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Three years


Today's the third anniversary of my father's murder.

Been doing more or less okay, though once again haven't been sleeping well. Always something different on the sleep front; this past week or so the sleep issue has been an occasional weird dry/sore throat that wakes me up and then goes away after a few minutes. Then this morning I had an academic nightmare of a brand-new-for-me sort, about defending an (undergrad) thesis to a panel of professors (particularly odd because this is something I never did in real life), ending with what I can only assume is my subconscious's clumsily heavy-handed attempt at a metaphor: I had spent all of the allotted time trying to dig up a copy of my thesis, and the professors had gotten up to leave, and I was begging them to give me more time so I could give my presentation, and one of them said something like "You can't give someone more time. You can only take time from them." (And then explained that by "take" they meant "waste their time by making them wait for you.") ~Yes, yes, very funny, Mr. Subconscious. You really aren't very good at subtlety, are you?~

Anyway. I'm gonna go to work today, and I think my plan for the evening is to relax on my own at home. Or, if I'm feeling up to it, possibly to go help Kam move. We'll see.


Wow. Rough memories, tough times. I had not seen the story before. I know a little bit of what you mean, about hitching on the thought of what to tell people about something. It's not as traumatic, but I have a similar thing about the divorce I've been going through for the past year, and the events that led up to it. I start to think I've gotten used to it, and then it hits me sideways. Just the other day a fairly new friend who was over and painting a room with me asked how it happened that Bill moved out and I actually fell off the stepladder (I'm really not clear how), I was so distracted by how to scope my answer to the question.

I get those performance nightmares too, usually having to do with getting to the end of a semester and suddenly realizing I haven't been attending one of my classes. The subconscious is strange.

I wish for you plenty of good relaxation tonight, whether it involves being quiet at home or helping with the move.

Just a big hug from over here. Take good care of yourself tonight.


Thinking of you. When I read your anniversary notes, I remember mine, though they are nowhere near in date and time of year. I wish we could have a big hug...Take care.

Thanks for the notes, all.

Anne: Yeah, grief and loss (whether over a death, a divorce, or anything else) can hit people in weird ways. Agreed re strangeness of subconscious.

Jessie, Laura, and Fran: Thank you for the hugs; much appreciated.

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