Grumpy. Irritable. Snappish. Defensive. Annoyed. Put-upon. Frustrated. Tense. Yup, it's official: I got me a serious case of the mullygrubs.
Been wanting someone to complain to about all the sad woefulness and vast unfairness that is my life. Started a whiny email to a sympathetic friend a couple days ago, realized that it was too whiny even by the standards of whiny emails to friends, gave up.
I feel like I've been in low-blood-sugar mode most of the time--even just after eating, even when walking in sunlight--for somewhere around three to five weeks. (With, to be sure, a fair number of exceptions. If I've spent time with you and looked like (and/or said) I was enjoying it, I was.)
I know some of the causes of all this moodiness; some are legitimate (by my standards), some aren't. But of course feeling like I shouldn't be unhappy about something doesn't make it any easier to not be unhappy about it.
There's been a remarkable confluence, and an unusually steady stream, of events and actions nearly custom-designed to annoy or upset me, for weeks. And one or two actual sad things. There've also been a lot of really minor things that I would normally barely notice but that my mood has elevated into veritable mountains of irritation. And a fair number of things that are actually good things but that I'm grumpy about for various reasons. And a fair number of good things that I've really enjoyed and/or been very happy about, temporarily, but the mood-boost from those things isn't lasting as long as it normally would for me.
Yesterday, in the midst of being tense and distressed about an unrelated argument at work, I remembered that next Tuesday, same-sex couples will start getting legally married in California. And I linked (on a mailing list) to the entry I wrote four years ago about witnessing the same-sex weddings in San Francisco, and how happy that made me at the time; re-reading that helped cheer me up. And a co-worker sent her story of that magical weekend, and that made me really happy. But by this morning I was back to glum.
Halfway through writing this entry, while looking for something else, I came across an entry from several years ago about lawyers writing legal pleadings in crayon. Re-reading the discussion by Judge Samuel Kent made me laugh out loud, twice. But a little later I found myself once again wallowing among the mullygrubs in mullygrub land.
(Which got worse when, just as I was finishing this entry (and while I had paused to re-read an old entry recounting some stressful situations from a few years ago), my computer abruptly hung, for no obvious reason, and then logged me out. Sigh.)
I imagine that, as always happens, I will eventually return to my usual unwarranted optimism and cheerfulness. But I'm hoping "eventually" doesn't take too much longer in showing up.
Anyway, one reason I'm posting all this is that one of the annoyances has continued to be email issues (more on that in another entry, most likely), which has contributed to my delays in replying to several important and/or time-sensitive emails in the past week or so. I apologize for that; I'll try to get back to y'all soon.