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Never give up

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I've been kinda off-kilter lately. Weird mood swings--cheerful and happy, then suddenly grumpy and stressed for no clear reason. Having a hard time focusing on anything; not being very productive; procrastinating and filling up time with timewasting activities. (More so than usual, I mean.) Feeling disconnected from friends, despite having an unusual amount of contact with (some) friends and family lately. Sunshine and good food and conversation help, and then I sit down to get stuff done and can't seem to do it. Regularly staying up much too late (I'm doing it again right now); getting plenty of sleep for once, but that means I'm waking up way too late and getting to work ridiculously late, which makes it harder to have a full productive day.

(Also continuing to have a wide variety of annoying computer-related problems. I suspect I could solve many of them by closing most of my open browser windows, but there are so many more important-seeming things that I should be doing that I keep neglecting to address that.)

It's possible that part of the problem is that the anniversary of my father's death is only a couple weeks from now. That doesn't feel like it's related--but a lot of the emotional stuff around that has taken me by surprise in the past; it seems to bypass any part of my mind that I have conscious access to. So maybe that's part of it. Also maybe partly just winter blahs, which haven't been a problem in recent years but used to be.

At any rate, feeling a little better at the moment because Shaggy's "Hope" just came on iTunes:

[...] And kept her eyes on the stars when the skies were gray,

Gave us drive to survive, really showed us the way.

Now I really understood what she was tryin' to say:

She said, "Son there'll be times when the tides are high

And the boat may be rocky; you can cry,

Just never give up.

You can never give up."

Catchy tune.

And on that note, I think I'll go sleep.

1 Comment

*hugs* I hope the blahs pass soon.

Do you have any form of grieving/memorializing ritual? It doesn't have to be anything religious, but the need for ritual is very central to humans, I think. If you don't have anything, maybe you can create something to do this year on the anniversary of your father's death. It could help to have the focused outlet coming on that day, and may also help bring some of what your subconscious is trying to process to the foreground. It doesn't even have to be anything that would feel like a ritual to anyone but you, although you may find something simple that you can borrow from one tradition or another that resonates with you.

Computer problems seem to be going around lately. I've noticed that I really have to limit the number of open windows I have in Firefox. It is pretty ridiculous how many I would keep active otherwise.

- Annie


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