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The window, the window

Your Humble Blogger’s Perfect Non-Reader has finally developed a taste for Trout Fishing in America, the children’s music band for people who take fun seriously. That’s just a gratuitous endorsement, as YHB could talk about threw it out the window without mentioning TfiA, but it’s an opportunity, and I’ll take it. The song itself is an old scout song, or campfire song, or what have you, and consists simply of taking a nursery rhyme and finding an appropriate place to swerve from the usual text to throwing something out the window, the window, the second story window. F’r’ex:

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
When she got there, the cupboard was bare
So she threw it out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
When she got there, the cupboard was bare
So she threw it out the window
Simple, eh? Here’s another:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Threw him out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Threw him out the window
Or how about
I see the moon
And the moon sees me
Gd bless the moon
And throw it out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
Gd bless the moon
And throw it out the window
The odd thing is how well it works
Ladybug Ladybug fly away home
Your house is on fire and your children may burn
All except one, whose name is Ann
They threw her out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
All except one, whose name is Ann
They threw her out the window
Of course, nursery rhymes are pretty brutal, which may account for it.
Ding dong dell, Pussy’s in the well
Who put her in? Little Johnny Flynn
Who pulled her out? Little Tommy Stout
What a naughty boy was that
He threw her out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
What a naughty boy was that
He threw her out the window
The thing is, that once you start, it’s hard to stop
Leave ’em alone, and they’ll come home
And throw you out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
Leave ’em alone, and they’ll come home
And throw you out the window
It works with some that are now fairly obscure
Bobby Shaftoe’s gone to sea
Silver buckles at his knee
He’ll come home and marry me
And throw me out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
He’ll come home and marry me
And throw me out the window
And if you want to get all the way through the four verses of “I saw a ship a-sailing” they can throw the captain out the window, the window, the second story window, when the ship began to move, they threw him out the window. Some gave them plum cake and threw them out the window. To market, to market to buy a fat hog, and throw it out the window. Sukey take it off again, we’ve thrown them out the window. I chanced to meet an old man and threw him out the window. When they were only halfway up, he threw them out the window. Kits, cats, sacks and wives, let’s throw them out the window. This little piggy cried wee, wee, wee and jumped right out the window. One for the little boy, who threw it out the window. You used to come at ten o’clock and throw me out the window. She lies in bed ’til eight or nine—let’s throw her out the window. Here comes a Chopper to throw you out the window. I took him by the left leg and threw him out the window. OK, that last one is kind of cheating.

It’s also cheating, I think, to let Jack’s crown be headgear, and thus able to be thrown out the window. On the other hand, if you have patience, Old Dame Dob can throw him out the window. Actually, I think it’s harder to come up with nursery rhymes that can’t be thrown out the window.

OK, fine. So it’s a fun game. But ... how come nursery rhymes and not, say, pop tunes? Let’s keep it pre-Dylan, as it’s understandable that the current-day modern songwriters will not fall naturally into the ABAB sort of thing that suits the game. But what about the thirties? Let’s see ...

She hung around with a bloke named Smokey
She loved him, tho’ he was cokey
He took her down to Chinatown
And threw her out the window
The window, the window, the second-story window
He took her down to Chinatown
And threw her out the window
Hmmm...
Gee, it's great after being out late
Walking my baby back home!
Arm in arm, over meadow and farm,
I throw her out zhe window
Zhe window, zhe window, zhe second-story window
Arm in arm, over meadow and farm,
I throw her out zhe window
No.
You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative,
Latch on to the affirmative,
And throw it out the window
The window, the window, the second-story window
Latch on to the affirmative
And throw it out the window
Maybe.
Button up your overcoat
When the wind is free
Take good care of yourself
Or I’ll throw you out the window
The window, the window, the second-story window
Take good care of yourself
Or I’ll throw you out the window
No, no, no.
Summertime, and the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high
Oh, your daddy's rich, and your ma is good-lookin'
So hush, little baby
Or I’ll throw you out the window
The window, the window, the second-story window
Hush, little baby
Or I’ll throw you out the window
I dunno...
Candy
it's gonna be just dandy
the day I take my Candy
And throw her out the window...

Enough!

Well, I should probably add that when Keith and Ezra sing the thing, they tend to finish with ...

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are all closed
They’ll throw her out the window!

chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek,
-Vardibidian.

Comments

I needed a different earworm; I'm just not sure it was that one.

One of the things I like about it, though, is its flexibility. Sure, Miss Muffet can throw the spider out the window, but the reverse is also true (and more fun). It's also nice that the time signature can be varied so easily.

Darn it, now Stephen's going to be annoyed at me because I'll be singing bits of this and he really doesn't like it. I'll blame you, ok? *grin*


Also, the lamb sometimes follows Mary to school for the express purpose of throwing her out the window. Just had to say that.


Sorry to spam you.

I just spontaneously combined this with another of the hiking club songs that my father taught me around the same time as The Second Story Window:

Johnny was the chemist's son
But now he is no more,
for what he thought was H2O
Has thrown him out the window...

Just had to share. Sorry!


It occurs to me there's a-whole-nother genre of songs that can be windowized with good effect—try Stephen on

Monday night me hand was on her ankle
Tuesday night me hand was on her knee
Wednesday night success, I lifted up her dress
Thursday night I lifted up her silk chemi-ise
Friday night I got my hand upon it
Saturday I gave it just a tweak
Sunday after supper, I—
Threw her out the window
The window, the window, the second story window
Sunday after supper, I
Threw her out the window

Or perhaps
I've got a sister Lily
She's a whore in Picadilly
And my mother runs a brothel in the Strand
My father winks his asshole
at the Guards in Windsor Castle
We're a filthy fuckin' family, but
we'll throw you out the window

Now that's a good campfire game. There's one that ends If you burn our shithouse down, we'll throw it out the window, and one that ends, oh, I won't even type that one. And how can the old ladies be locked in the lavatory if the window is open?
Thanks,
-V.


I have nothing fenestral to add, but I did want to note that in the hour since you posted this, this comments page has become the top Google search result for ["Monday night me hand was on her ankle"].


Hm, yes, that does lend a certain air to the proceedings.

I think you must have learned a different way of singing the song, because I can't make those fit the tune I know at all. The way I learned it, you've got three lines of the original verse (in either 4/4 or 6/8 time) and then the fourth gets turned into something being thrown out the window. Your filthy verses there are all too long for my variation. In the first one, I'd have to throw the dress out the window, and in the second, the brothel would be defenestrated. (Which would be distinctly odd, though possibly funny enough to be worth it.)


Oh, I am much looser in my rules. I just want it to be funny. So if I have to wait for the sixth or seventh line, fine, and if I can make it funnier by just starting out

There was a farmer had a dog
And threw him out the window!
I'll go for the quick laugh.
Also, the time on "I've Got a Sister" allows you to put the downbeats on got, Lil-y, Whore and Picadilly for the first line, and mother, brothel, Strand and a rest for the second. That puts the window bit halfway through the fourth line, which might be acceptable for your version. Sorry, I don't have an easy way of noting metrics in this Tohu Bohu.
Oh, and Jed—I wonder if that's because it's the second time I've succumbed to printing that lyric? Also, for some reason, most places use "my" rather than "me", because of course in formal writing, one wouldn't stoop to dialect. Oddly, though, a Google search for "burn our shithouse down" doesn't turn up the Tohu Bohu at all...
Thanks,
-V.


Ah, ok. MFQ as applied to campfire songs. I can definitely understand that.

In that vein, then:

Some like a girl who's pretty in the face, and
Some like a girl who's slender in the waist,
But I like a girl who will wriggle and will twist
As I throw her out the window.

That's ... actually rather sick.

Or:

With his rum-she-ra-ra, rum-she-ra-ra, rum-she-ra-ra-day,
The fellow that played the trombone, he stole my wife away,
He pulled that long thing in and out, he made her feel so gay,
He really tickled her fancy, and he threw her...

I just. can't. stop.

My friend Billy had a ten foot willy
Til he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake,
And she threw it out the window.

That one's good.

The lollipop man has a great big stick
And he only charges a penny a lick;
He takes it out whenever he can,
So we throw him out the window.

I'm really enjoying this education in (off-)colorful campfire songs, by the way.

Here's an unexpected happy ending:

[many verses omitted...] Oh once I was with her, when in came Cob
"Avast!" said he, "you blubbering slob,
If you don't knock off I'll scuttle your knob--"
So I threw him out the window!

Of course, you can also give it a totally different ending by going one line further:

Oh once I was with her, when in came Cob
"Avast!" said he, "you blubbering slob,
If you don't knock off I'll scuttle your knob!"
And Sarah smiled at the sailor.
So I threw her (or them) out the window!

Speaking of shit and defenestrations, I have just learned (courtesy Wikipedia) that (Catholic) Imperial Governors Wilhelm Graf Slavata and Jaroslav Borzita Graf von Martinicz, with their scribe Fabricius, all survived the fall. The Catholic Imperials/defenestratees claimed they were saved by benevolent angels; the Protestant protesters/defenestrators claimed it was because they landed in a large pile of horse manure.


Assholes are cheap today
Cheaper than yesterday
Little boys are half-a-crown
Stand 'em up or—
Throw 'em out the window!
Oh, and Wayman—in the spirit of the subject, it would perhaps be all right if instead of using the word manure, you went ahead and said that Wilhelm Graf Slavata and Jaroslav Borzita Graf von Martinicz, together with their scribe Fabricius, fell in a big pile of ... shaving cream, be nice and clean, shave ev'ry day and you'll always look keen. Thanks,
-V.

Oops. Can you fix the formatting?

Done. If Jed goes to MT, and if this Tohu Bohu follows him, then there will be a comment-preview feature, and besides the comment formatting will be set up entirely differently. On the other hand, I retain the right to re-format comments, which I did with Nao's and Wayman's as well. Thanks, -V.]

Thanks to this thread, I spent too long yesterday reading through the (PDF file) Antler Song Booklet, which contains several items that might be suitable for the endeavor at hand. (Including some alternate versions of songs I've known for a while. The Clancy Brothers sing that Reilly is "looking for the man who married his daughter," for example; I don't know whether that's the original, or whether "who shagged his daughter" is the original and the Clancys were cleaning it up.

I think the one I was most amused by in that booklet, though it's not so suited to throwing out the window, is titled "Featherbeds":

There are so many featherbeds. So many little maidenheads. There's absolutely no excuse for sodomy or self-abuse.

Regarding formatting: yeah, the hack I use to format comments is not ideally suited for displaying lyrics; sorry about that. Basically, I save the text just the way it's typed in, and then I turn line breaks into p tags. As V noted, MT handles it differently (though not necessarily better). I'm not sure what a better solution is, except to make people type HTML in comments, which would keep people from commenting. In fact, no doubt they would take the comments system and throw it out the window!

Sorry. We now return you to the bawdy-songs concert already in progress.


(V-thanks for fixing formatting! I hope to have it right this time)

As I walked down the Broadway,
One morning in July,
I met a maid who asked me trade,
so I threw her out the window!

(Definitely a happier ending for the sailor.)

Where have you been, Billy boy, Billy boy?
Where have you been, charming Billy?
I have been to see me wife, she's the darling of my life,
She's a young thing who throws me out the window.

I have been to see me wife, she's the darling of my life,
She's a young thing who throws me out the window.

Billy enjoys defenestration? Who would have guessed... Kinky! :-)


Boy, it's a good thing I pray in a language I don't understand, or I'd be snickering in shul tomorrow. Blessed art thou, O Lord our Gd, Gd of our Fathers, who has commanded us concerning throwing 'em out the window, the window, the window, the second-story window, Blessed art thou, O Lord our Gd, and throw 'em out the window!
And then it'll turn out the haftorah is 2Kings 9(30-37).
Thanks,
-V.


Oh, woe, did I ever go to the wrong campfires. Chalk another one up to my insufficiently misspent youth.

But may I add?

James, James, Morrison, Morrison, Weatherby George Dupree
Took good care of his mother, though he was only three.
James, James, said to his mother, Mother, he said, said he,
Don't you ever go down to the end of the town
Or I'll throw you out the window!

At my present age of 78 I now recall this being recited to me by my mother when I was a child. Can you tell me the author, please.
Thank you


What, James James etc.? That's E. E. Milne's "Disobedience", from the book Now We Are Six.

My parents used to sing it to me all the time. Still love it, though I always have to look up the words for the later verses.


If you mean J J M M W G duP (who took great c/o his M tho' he was only 3), that's by the great A. A. Milne. If you mean the general window, the window, the second story window, well, I can't help you there. I think it's fairly anonymous; I couldn't locate an originator.
I should probably have added lyricists for all the other stuff, at least insofar as they are known. Cab Calloway (I think), Fred Ahlert and Roy Turk (in the Maurice Chevalier side), Johnny Mercer, DeSilva Brown and Henderson, Gershwin and Heyward, Whitney Kramer and David, Page and Plant. On this comments page all are anonymous (for good reason, mostly) except Mr. Milne's poem and Davis and Mitchell's "You Are My Sunshine".
Whew.
Thanks,
-V.


heres a good one ................

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe had so many children she didnt know what
to do so... SHE THREW THEM OUT THE WINDOW THE WINDOW THE SECOND STORY WINDOW if you cant say a rythme sing on time just throw it out the window. lol going to camp i learned that!


Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water.
Jack fell down, and busted his crown
And threw it out the window.
The window. The window.
The second story window.


What do you do with a drunken sailor
What do you do with a drunken sailor
What do you do with a drunken sailor
Throw him out the window!

Oh, lord, they've got me going again.

Sally is my girl and I love her dearly
(hey, hey, bully in the alley)
Sally is my girl and I'll throw her out the window!

Will it never end?

Farewell, lovely Nancy…

Thanks,
-V.


I'm hugely sad to have missed this when it originally came 'round. Happily, my RSS feed of V's comment and last weekend's camping trip coincide thus:

When I came home on a Monday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse beside my door
Where my old horse should be
So I called to my wife and I said to her (HEY WIFE)
I'll throw you out the window
The window the second story window
I called to my wife and I said to her
I'll throw you out the window
That works pretty well.

Another song that went around (by stark contrast and, oddly, performed at the campfire by the same young lady) was:

There was a hole
A hole in the ground
The prettiest hole
That you ever did see
A hole in the ground
And the green grass grew all around and around
And we threw it out the window
The window the second story window
The green grass grew all around and around
And we threw it out the window
We probably should have thrown the singer out the window, but we only had tents.

peace
Matt


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