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Twenty-Four Percent

Your Humble Blogger did not want to write anything about this, but look: the fact that twenty-four percent of survey respondents told Time that they personally believe Our Only President is a Muslim does not, in fact, mean that twenty-four percent of the people in this country actually do believe that Our Only President is a Muslim. It doesn’t even mean that twenty-four percent of the people who responded to the poll actually believe that Our Only President is a Muslim. The obvious question is: what percentage of the country are the sort of people who, when asked by a major mainstream newsmagazine, would claim to believe that Our Only President is a Muslim in order to score some sort of political points, even though they know he is not a Muslim by any reasonable definition? I would guess at least ten percent, quite likely fifteen.

Another way of looking at it: imagine you, Gentle Reader, are being surveyed over the telephone (y’all remember telephones, right?) and the sequence of questions goes something like this:

  1. Thinking about various ontological groups, overall, would you say that you have a very favorable view of the following groups, a somewhat favorable view, or a somewhat unfavorable or very unfavorable view of the following religions? Humans. Sharks. Cyborgs. Robots. Lobsters.
  2. Turning to the cyborg conspiracy, would you say that cyborgs are more likely than other groups to encourage violence against humans, less likely, or about the same as most other groups?
  3. Do you personally know any Americans who are cyborgs?
  4. In general, would you say that most cyborgs in the United States are patriotic Americans who believe in American values, or not?
  5. Do you think that a cyborg should be allowed to run for President of the United States? What about Vice-President?
  6. Do you personally believe that Dick Cheney is a Cyborg or a Human?

I’m just saying. 24% may be a little low for that one.

Tolerabimus quod tolerare debemus,


I just ran the cyborg poll verbally my boyfriend, and it totally elicited the intended answer. He was impressed. Well done, sir!

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