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Sit down. Sit. Down.

So. The Australian national cricket team, the baggy greens, loses by an innings in the second Test in India after losing the first Test by, oh, a whole lot. Better to put it this way: after nearly losing the first Test by an innings, they did lose the second Test by an innings, and are in what sportswriters call disarray. So what’s a coach to do?

Well, the correct answer is throw the bats at them. What the head coach and the manager and the captain did, however, was ask the players to think very seriously about what they had done. And, well, turn in some homework. Not sure what for that took, but essentially, the players were required to turn in an essay detailing what they had learned from the ignominious defeats they had suffered. And, well, not all of them did. Most of them did! More than half! Thirteen out of seventeen of the players who were in India for the tour, I believe. That’s, let me see, more than seventy-five percent!

OK, so. Now, what’s a coach to do about the four who blew off the whole thing?

Bench ’em? Oh, yeah. Bench the fuckers.

And if one of them is an aging superstar?

Bench his ass so hard it bounces.

Bench his ass, in point of fact, so hard that the man threatens to retire from Test Cricket altogether.

Now, the lesson here, in my arrogant one, is that you should really decide what the punishment is before you start throwing the bats at them. All us parents know this, yes? You can’t threaten just vaguely threaten the regret, because you will eventually have to show them that you mean business, and then that’ll suck for everyone. And now the team has got into the situation where it will have to play two Tests with a partial squad, making it likely it will suffer embarrassing losses in those as well. So a good deal of the problem lies with the coach.

On the other hand, props to the man for following through, right? Curious what GRs who teach (or coach, I suppose) think about this.

Tolerabimus quod tolerare debemus,
-Vardibidian.