I: Hybrid Vigor
(31 August 1997)
When the '90s began, some people were quick to come up with new paradigms for the new decade...
New Crossbred Isms for the '90s
by Ranjit Bhatnagar (8/21/90)
- "Take the patriarchy and stuff it up your Messiah."
- "The heart of the Nation is the worker who works alone."
- "The proletariat shall not rest until the means of communication have been wrested from the hands of the bourgoisie."
- Andy Cappitalism.
- "Lend me five quid, luv?" "Cor, you're not investing in S&Ls again!?"
- "Take this plane to Cuba or we overwater the flower garden!"
- "And in Detroit, another six dozen industrial welders succumbed to Mrs Dorfmann's canned beans today, bringing the total costs to..."
- "My conscience is bigger than yours."
- "I love humanity... as long as I take these pills twice a day."
- Salad Barbarism.
- "Emperor! The Vandals demand croutons! And forty stone of cress!"
- Rose Bolshevism.
- "...with just two minutes on the clock, Leningrad needs two touchdowns to take the game..."
- "Keep the Free Market free of foreign memory chips!"
- "I hear your son is a card carrying member of the... um... the Willie Horton Fan Club."
- "In the name of the Lord, sneeze the devil right out of ya!"
- Hey Judaism.
- "Don't make it bad. Take a Seder song and make it better..."
- "It's December 23rd! I must get to the mall!"
- Cecil B. DeMilitarism.
- "Rambo III, sweatier than ever, kills a cast of thousands!"
- Frayed Nazism.
- "We don't serve Strings in this bar."
- "It'll come out alright in the wash."
- "We're occupying this missile base until the arms reduction treaty is signed."
- "There's a Sucker born every minute."
- Max Headrheumatism.
- "Wh- wh- where's my Ben GGGGGay?"
- Sadism so!
- "Shoeless Joe Jackson was suspended for whipping a batboy..."
- "Just one person using flourocarbons won't make a difference..."
I liked Ranjit's idea so much I came up with a few of my own:
- Sugar Racism.
- "Black boxers are much better than white boxers."
- Eau de Colonialism.
- "The perfume used by more British officers in India."
- Grand Malapropism.
- "The sun was obscured by the moon this morning in a total epilepsy."
- Safe Sexism.
- "Now there's a chick I'd like to use a condom with!"
- "Lynxes will bring about the end of the world!"
- Pomme de Territorialism.
- "We grew that potato, but our landlord gets to eat it."
- Sentenced to Prism.
- "A beam of light was incarcerated in a crystal today after it was caught going 185,935 mph over the speed limit."
- Land of the Lostracism.
- "You don't know the theme songs to '70s TV shows? Get outta here!"
- Original Cynicism.
- "What the hell, the garden's going to seed anywayhand me that apple."
- "Hell no, we won't glow!"
- "Americalove it and leave it."
- Ogden Nationalism.
- "My country 'tis of thee / and also of the lllama which, in my considered opinion, you'll never see / the lllama spelled with an l, another l, and yet another l, for a grand total, unless I've counted wrong, of three..."
- Soup du Journalism.
- "All the news that's fit to eat."
Reader comments and addenda page
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