Words & Stuff

Y: Matt Brocchini Explains It All to You

(21 December 1997)

Matt Brocchini searched through two years' worth of his saved email to find all the lines that began with the word "because"; then he arranged those lines in alphabetical order. (Or at least his computer's idea of alphabetical order.) The resulting found art should provide an explanation for any occasion.

I have taken the liberty of making one tiny elision; otherwise these lines are all, as Matt noted, "real explanations typed by real people."

because "decision makers at local television stations have rarely taken
because "we need to have a better way to cover traffic," says news
because 'hemp' is street slang for marijuana.
because CBS desperately needed Gaylord Entertainment's sibling station
because I accidentally erased it. Sorry about that. Please re-submit
because I need your product. I therefore see thru the common rhetoric. But
because I'll only be doing word-processing and emailing etc. I might also
because computers are too expensive for many
because his forecast differed from those being offered by other
because it is the one that's watched the most. We've got a good
because it is too difficult for them to follow more complicated dramas.
because it sounds like it can be a most successful venture. And I can't
because most of the Windows-specific functions are implemented as
because my...er, forgot what the reason was. Really too hot here for
because nCUBE has released a new range of machines.
because of a bug in the virus. The virus also attempts to infect a
because of his eerie physical resemblance to Dilbert.
because of inappropriate subject matter.
because of the limitations in the user interface they could implement (please
because of the political views expressed, but because he said some things
because of the tightrope walk between sweet and tart in the dish. I
because of their automated complete course development cycle, from needs
because on-line is much easier," Dietsch said.
because she claims she was abused. She then cuts her foot on the glass
because some wine makers insist you can't cold stabilize without removing
because that increases the amount of flaming. But at this
because the Chyron has gone down for the morning news.
because the anchors are charismatic, because their weathercaster is funny,
because the publisher had badly overpaid. But Evans, who is now a literary
because the station doesn't have enough people. Well, station owners
because there's a tremendous loneliness in the picture.... I think
because there's no context for the story when it's archived. Also, there's no
because they believe there are too many direct connections between
because they don't break down fast enough. Says Paul Ryan, "In order
because they don't have jobs to wake up for in the morning. Pike has
because they feared the FBI would give them "no brain" drugs.
because they had run out of cigarettes. [Hartford Courant, 12-8-
because they have sports every fifteen minutes, because there's no sports.
because they have very little financial control over the organization. It
because they knew she had something important to say. Once on the line =20
because they lead to just such inbred "thumbsucking" stories that neglect to
because they objected to what they characterized as the talk-show
because they obviously don't have any themselves.
because they sit on the events, doesn't mean the rest of us should sit
because they were charging too much money for it. It was a great idea
because they were in direct consultation with BC Company in Japan on the
because they were, "..concerned that you are not addressing the
because theyve been less prone to cosmetics in the past, and it is
because together we will bring together the tools required to build and
because we can't absolutely define what we will need for support. Hope this
because we know so much about audiences, audience flow, the results of
because we're all great fans of The Hitchhiker's Guide," Dr. Keith
because we've launched the beta test of our live Java-based chat in Club
because, given the unpredictable time table involved, one cannot necessarily

By the way, if that's still not enough explanations for you, the Universal Explainer (by Jay Scott and Elliott Moreton) should lay any further questions to rest.

Jed Hartman <logophilia@kith.org>