\r\n
Sonny\u2019s dreams can\u2019t be real\u2014<\/p>\r\n
they\u2019re just stories he\u2019s read;<\/p>\r\n
They\u2019re just stars in his eyes;<\/p>\r\n
they\u2019re just dreams in his head<\/p>\r\n
Where he sees all the places<\/p>\r\n
that he\u2019d like to roam\u2014<\/p>\r\n
But he hears Mama\u2019s voice<\/p>\r\n
and it\u2019s calling him home....<\/p>\r\n<\/div>\r\n
\u2014Ron Hynes, \u201cSonny\u2019s Dream,\u201d plus the folk process<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n
I don\u2019t know; maybe it\u2019s just laziness that keeps me from going out and living my dreams. Or maybe it\u2019s fear; the fear of doing something new, of people looking at me funny; the fear of trying something and failing. I don\u2019t like failure, and I don\u2019t like to be wrong.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
But I don\u2019t think that\u2019s all of it, and I don\u2019t think I should require of myself that I rush madly off in all directions, trying to do everything but accomplishing nothing. I think that quiet waiting, patience, slow planning, acceptance of the way things are (with the awareness that this, too, shall pass)\u2014I think that all of these things are, or can be, virtues.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
Like a child in a car, I\u2019m inclined to whine, \u201cAm I there yet?\u201d Well, no, I\u2019m not. And I won\u2019t be for quite a while. But why am I in such a hurry to get there? The journey is as important as the destination. Patience. All things come to those who wait.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
Dreams are all very well and good; a person\u2019s reach should exceed ta\u2019s grasp (or what\u2019s a meta for?) and all that. But ... it\u2019s important to recognize your own limitations. It\u2019s important to know that some things just aren\u2019t feasible. Not to be defeatist; but to be realistic.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
I want to be a famous writer\u2014and a good one. I want to write intelligent, literate science fiction and fantasy stories (and in other genres as the mood strikes me), with good characterization, stories that will reach deep into people\u2019s psyches and tear their guts out (to mix metaphors rather unpleasantly). I want people to laugh and cry at my work. I want them to say, \u201cIt was better than Cats<\/cite>.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\nBut I don\u2019t know whether I\u2019m capable of that. And if I rush off half-cocked, trying to be the best, and I fail, what will I be left with?<\/p>\r\n\r\n
The advice that most experienced writers give to young wannabe writers in high school is this: write, but don\u2019t make writing all of your life. Go to college if you want to\u2014but major in something other than creative writing. Broaden your experience. Learn about people, learn about life; and write what you\u2019ve learned. Because fiction (at least, fiction of the kind that I want to read and write) is about life, is about people, and the more the writer knows about people and the way they are, the better ta can portray them, and thereby speak to them through writing. It\u2019s a lot harder to write a novel that will enthrall people if you\u2019ve never interacted with real people; your fictional people won\u2019t act or sound or look like real people. Write what you know; but learn enough first to make what you know worthwhile.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
In other words, be patient. Relax. There\u2019s no need to do it all now. The young writers (and for that matter, young people in all fields of human activity) who blaze the brightest, it\u2019s said, tend to burn the fastest. Some write one brilliant novel and then never write anything worthwhile again, afraid to be daring in case they fall short of the expectations they\u2019ve raised for themselves. Isn\u2019t it better to take things slowly, build up, and not reach your zenith before you start your journey?<\/p>\r\n\r\n
If you demand that the universe bend to your will, immediately, you\u2019ll spend your life frustrated by reality, always searching, never content. You can afford to wait for the right thing to come along. Be receptive; be aware of your opportunities; and eventually way will open.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
My father went to grad school at age fifty, like his father before him. Fifty is not old in modern America\u2014there\u2019s time at that age to launch a completely new career. So twenty-five is definitely young; there\u2019s no need to grab for the gold ring just yet. Live happily and comfortably; live well and wisely.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
Why go out and try new things that you suspect you won\u2019t like when there already isn\u2019t time to do the things you know you do like? Travel is broadening, true; but it can also be uncomfortable, damp, and altogether unpleasant. I live right now in the place where I most want to live in the world\u2014of all the places I\u2019ve been (not even close to everywhere, not by a long shot, but across the USA and a few parts of the Soviet Union), this place has the weather, the food, the culture that I like best. I make no claim that this is objectively the best place in the world; that would be ludicrous. I\u2019m just saying that I like it an awful lot. Of course<\/em> there are lots of other great places to live\u2014but once I\u2019ve found a good place, why move? I moved around a lot while I was growing up; maybe now it\u2019s time for a little stability. I like my life the way it is. If you\u2019re on a mountaintop, every direction is down. There are other mountaintops, but you can\u2019t live on all of them, so why not stick with the one you\u2019ve got?<\/p>\r\n\r\nThere\u2019s an enormous range of human experience; no one human can live it all. Yet people look at me oddly, or actively object, when I suggest that going out and doing new things is not necessarily good, that there\u2019s something to be said for being happy with the status quo. (If I sound a little overly defensive here, that\u2019s probably why.) I\u2019m not someone who acquires tastes easily; usually I like something either at first or never, and it\u2019s more often never. Why not, then, remain within my comfort zone, stay firmly ensconced in my (relatively) safe and sane life?<\/p>\r\n\r\n
Which is not to say that my life is perfect by any means, but it is pretty nice. And I\u2019m being practical (for once in my life)\u2014I\u2019m making money and saving it for the first time ever, and getting good solid background experience in the computer industry, so that I can do what I want to do later. I can afford the time to do something not-bad until something great comes along\u2014the alternative is to insist on something great right now<\/em> and maybe end up forced into something awful.<\/p>\r\n\r\nThen, too, as we get older our goals and our ideals change. Why do something now that I\u2019ll regret later? I\u2019m sure there are a lot of people who now say, \u201cAh, I remember when I was young and brash\u2014good thing I\u2019m wiser now.\u201d Or as Joan Baez puts it in one of my favorite songs, \u201cThere\u2019ll be new dreams, maybe better dreams, and plenty \/ Before the last revolving year is through.\u201d I can afford to wait for those dreams to come along; and in the mean time, my life is pretty good as it is. I can live with that. And speaking of people whose dreams change, Cat Stevens once sang, rather self-prophetically, \u201cYou may still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.\u201d If you outlive your dreams, what\u2019s left? If you build your life around your dreams and then your plans gang agly, you have no recourse, no backup. Better to build your dreams around the solid foundation of your life.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n
He used to say that life\u2019s too short<\/p>\r\n
To never take a chance<\/p>\r\n
Yet he was over sixty when<\/p>\r\n
He finally learned to dance.<\/p>\r\n<\/div>\r\n
\u2014Robbie O\u2019Connell, \u201cTurning of the Tide\u201d<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n
I don\u2019t need to learn to dance right now. I can do that when I\u2019m sixty.<\/p>\r\n\r\n<\/td>\r\n\r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Sonny\u2019s dreams can\u2019t be real\u2014<\/p>\r\n they\u2019re just stories he\u2019s read;<\/p>\r\n They\u2019re just stars in his eyes;<\/p>\r\n they\u2019re just dreams in his head.<\/p>\r\n And he\u2019s hungry inside<\/p>\r\n for the wide world outside;<\/p>\r\n And I know I can\u2019t hold him,<\/p>\r\n though I\u2019ve tried and I\u2019ve tried....<\/p>\r\n<\/div>\r\n \u2014Ron Hynes, \u201cSonny\u2019s Dream,\u201d original version<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n In high school English, I read a story by Henry James called \u201cThe Beast in the Jungle.\u201d As I remember it, it\u2019s about a man who\u2019s utterly convinced that he has some cosmic Destiny. He\u2019s so convinced of this idea, in fact, that he passes up every chance he has to build<\/em> a destiny for himself\u2014he never does anything but bide his time, waiting for the right thing to come along, until, old and weary, he realizes that life has passed him by.<\/p>\r\n\r\nOn Star Trek: The Next Generation<\/cite>, in an episode that disturbed me for a lot of reasons but made some thought-provoking points, Jean-Luc Picard discovered that if he hadn\u2019t been motivated to be daring, to take risks, when he was young, his life would have turned out very differently.<\/p>\r\n\r\nIt seems so obvious when put that way: if you never risk anything, if you just sit under the tree and let the apples fall into your lap, at best<\/em> you\u2019ll be content. Not enthusiastic, not overjoyed, not heartbroken; just ... content. You won\u2019t accomplish the great deeds you dream about; you won\u2019t inspire anyone to anything. You can\u2019t get an adrenalin rush just lying in the sun\u2014and that nagging voice asking, \u201cWhat are you doing with your life? When will you do something worthwhile? What have you accomplished so far?\u201d probably won\u2019t even let you be<\/em> content.<\/p>\r\n\r\nFear of failure, of ridicule, of people laughing at you, can be a powerful thing. It can keep people quiet when they want to speak out; it can keep them trapped on the ground when they want to soar. Daring something new and different will always earn distrust and suspicion from the narrow-minded. But check the scales\u2014is it worth leaving behind all you hope and wish for, just from fear that someone might laugh? I don\u2019t like to be wrong; it makes me embarrassed and angry. But isn\u2019t it better, doesn\u2019t it show more integrity and strength, to stand up for what you believe, to speak out even if you\u2019re unsure, than to hide quietly in a corner just in case you\u2019re wrong?<\/p>\r\n\r\n Why compromise? I\u2019ve seen time and again that it is<\/em> possible for people to live their dreams, to do what they want to do and to hell with those who tell them it\u2019s impossible. Don\u2019t settle for a mediocre job; you won\u2019t have time or energy to look for that great job that you really want (or for that matter that great alternative lifestyle; the Protestant work ethic isn\u2019t for everyone) while you\u2019re tied down, day after day, doing something that\u2019s just all right<\/em> (or, even worse, something that you hate). Don\u2019t settle for second-best; don\u2019t give in to lowered expectations. If you don\u2019t strive, you can\u2019t succeed; and even failure can be sweet if you fight against it every inch of the way. At least that way you can know you did your best; you don\u2019t have to worry about how things might have been, if only....<\/p>\r\n\r\nIf you wait, and compromise, and give in, you\u2019ll slowly take on more responsibilities, even as you remind yourself that they\u2019re only temporary, only until the right thing comes along. \u201cWhen I\u2019ve got enough money\u201d becomes \u201cafter I buy that car\u201d and \u201cafter I buy that house\u201d; becomes \u201cwhen I\u2019ve got enough vacation saved up\u201d and \u201cwhen my sabbatical comes along\u201d; becomes \u201cafter I\u2019ve settled down,\u201d and \u201cafter we get married\u201d and \u201cafter I\u2019m retired,\u201d and \u201cafter the kids are grown up,\u201d and ... and \u201cafter I\u2019m dead.\u201d (I stole that bit from someone, but life\u2019s too short to take the time to look up all my sources.) It\u2019s all too easy to lose track of your goals, to get lost in living everyday life until you no longer remember, except with a tiny part of your heart that you keep locked up and never look at, what it was you were living for, what it was you wanted to do when you finally got the chance.<\/p>\r\n\r\n In It\u2019s a Wonderful Life<\/cite>, Jimmy Stewart\u2019s character keeps giving in, keeps compromising, keeps putting off his own goals. He never does any of the things he wanted to do, never goes anywhere or achieves anything beyond his own local world. He\u2019s steady and responsible, and everyone loves him for it\u2014but I always hated the ending to that movie, because he sells out. He gives up on his dreams, decides in the end that settling for what he\u2019s got really isn\u2019t that bad, considering the alternative.<\/p>\r\n\r\nThere\u2019s a Judy Small song about a girl who gets married (\u201cShe married him because he was a young man on the rise \/ or at least, she thought, a young man on the level\u201d), has kids, becomes pretty much nothing more than a wife and mother\u2014all the while believing that she\u2019s \u201cplanning for her future,\u201d \u201cwaiting for the day to come when time will be her own.\u201d I got news for you, lady: it\u2019ll never happen. Not to say that being a wife and a mother is bad; but (in the words of yet another song) is that all there is? No, it isn\u2019t. Or at least, it doesn\u2019t have<\/em> to be, if it\u2019s not what you want.<\/p>\r\n\r\nLooking back on my life in sixty years, I suspect I\u2019ll wish that I\u2019d taken more chances, done more and seen more, gone to foreign lands and met new and exciting people. There are new and exciting people everywhere, I firmly believe, if you know how and where to look for them. Everyone\u2019s got a story. There are too many, far too many, for me to hear in one lifetime; but at least I can try<\/em>. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice to be asked at age eighty, or ninety, or a hundred and twenty, \u201cDo you have any regrets? Would you do things differently if you could?\u201d\u2014and to be able to truthfully say No; no, I have no regrets. I lived every day to the fullest, I loved life until (as Bradbury probably says somewhere in a different context) the juice of it ran down my chin.<\/p>\r\n\r\nThe death over the past few years of some of the people who shared their dreams with us drives that point home. What if Theodor Seuss Geisel had stuck with doing ads for Flit bug spray? What if Robert Anson Heinlein hadn\u2019t left the military? What if Jim Henson got discouraged by people\u2019s lack of appreciation for his weird puppets? What if Gene Roddenberry had told himself, \u201cNah, the world isn\u2019t ready for a TV show about a bunch of people in the future getting along together\u201d? They all had their own visions of the world, and they each shaped the vision of all (or most) of us, directly or indirectly. And when they died, thousands of people the world over mourned for them. They left legacies that will not soon be forgotten. And yes, they were human like the rest of us, and they all had their flaws. But that didn\u2019t stop them from dreaming great dreams.<\/p>\r\n\r\n \r\n\u201cBut all too many adolescents in all too many cultures never passed through Chaos at all. They were born, they were acculturated, they were schooled, they took up their adult stations in life, passed through an ill-defined period of mid-life angst, resigned themselves to old age, and died, without ever walking the Yellow Brick Road, indeed without ever understanding what it was that they had missed in their lives.\u201d<\/p>\r\n \u2014Norman Spinrad, Child of Fortune<\/cite><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\nI want to walk that Yellow Brick Road. I want magic, I want life\u2014I want it all. And it\u2019s not all going to fall into my lap if I sit around and wait for it. Life just doesn\u2019t work that way.<\/p>\r\n\r\n<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/table>\r\n\r\n <\/p>\r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\nNotes (written in 2000)<\/h2>\r\n\r\nEven though this was written seven years ago, the conflicting impulses are still there, though not as strong. I hope the two-column format doesn\u2019t make it impossibly annoying to read.<\/p>\r\n\r\n In retrospect, both pieces are a little heavy on the quotes and references. But I think most of those quotes are relevant, and I do tend to think a lot in terms of things I\u2019ve heard and read and seen, so these are fairly accurate as reflections of my internal dialogue on this topic.<\/p>\r\n\r\n Apologies to my friends who are parents, especially stay-at-home moms, for the embarrassing-in-retrospect somewhat disparaging tone of my comment about being a wife and mother. I contemplated changing that bit, but decided to leave it up for historical accuracy. <\/p>\r\n\r\n The title at the top is from a Nanci Griffith song, \u201cA Wing and a Wheel\u201d:<\/p>\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n Where are all the dreamers that I used to know?<\/p>\r\n They all live out in the suburbs,<\/p>\r\n ...and their dreams are in their children at play.<\/p>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"parent":5482,"menu_order":340,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-19822","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/19822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19822"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/19822\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20676,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/19822\/revisions\/20676"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5482"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/jed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}} |