A pair of handwritten letters\u2014Marcy wrote most or all of the first letter here in mid-November, then three weeks later wrote the second letter here, then included both in the envelope. She put the second-written one first in the envelope, but after some waffling, I\u2019m putting the first-written one first below.<\/p>\r\n
The first letter is partly about the war in Vietnam (content warning for mention of some of the things the US was doing), and partly about materialism and Christmas.<\/p>\r\n
The second one starts out in a similar vein, but then shifts into some unusually direct criticisms of Helen\u2019s handling of a situation with Dobe (John). I know nothing about that situation, aside from what I\u2019m inferring from Marcy\u2019s letter here, and I have no idea what Helen\u2019s response was.<\/p>\r\n
Marcy was 25 when she wrote these letters. (Peter had just turned 31.) Helen was 62, George was 58. Dobe had just turned 22, and recently gotten out of prison.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nSaturday night<\/p>\r\n
11\/14<\/p>\r\n
Dear Grandparents<\/p>\r\n
I just finished writing two letters\u2014came home from a picnic to open the monthly newsletter of Another Mother for Peace, to find a picture of a prisoner\u2014an American<\/u> prisoner, a \u201cprisoner of conscience\u201d bowing his head before his days-old infant child. He could not be there at his child\u2019s birth, nor hold his wife\u2019s hand afterwards, because he was in jail for his patriotism.
xxx<\/strike>\u2014I wrote, at the newsletter\u2019s suggestion, to nixon the noxious & secty of state Rogers, asking both to use their strength & humanity to end the war & its evils.<\/p>\r\nWe also recieved a note from the Internal Revenue Service today, requesting the $5.26 we haven\u2019t paid in federal taxes on our phone bill, as a protest against war taxes, & the war.<\/p>\r\n
So here is what I want to suggest: no matter how we spend our money on Christmas gifts, some of it will go to support the killing of Vietnamese babies\u2014the roll of organizations being boycotted because they are mainly war industries, weapons & systems manufacturers & their subsidiaries, is enormous<\/u>! The taxes we pay go to pay the soldiers who drop the bombs!<\/p>\r\n
Think of all the lovely things\u2014toys, goodies, etc, you\u2019d like to get for Jed & Joaquin, and us, too, and your other sons and daughter-in-law, and total them up. Think what Another Mother for Peace (for example) could do with that money\u2014(they supported the campaigns of 15 Senators & 51 Representatives who voted & still vote to end the war\u2014they
xxx<\/strike> serve as a constant reminder that we can all work to show Washington our belief that \u201cWar is not healthy for children and other living things\u201d)\u2014and think about how happy each of us would be with one<\/u> small gift\u2014something handmade, by you or someone; something old\u2014St. Vinnie\u2019s can be a place to do Christmas shopping too\u2014something wrapped in an old piece of pretty fabric instead of expensive Christmas paper.<\/p>\r\nYour Christmas packages last year were lovely ^^just exactly that the love & good wishes didn\u2019t<\/u> get lost in the presents,
xxx<\/strike> as often happens to many people^^\u2014full of little useful goodies and tiny toys, and Jed\u2019s lovely ball that shrank\u2014I know that your good taste has improved, even, and that he won\u2019t be gorged on things<\/u> from everyone. A trip to the snow (he\u2019s never seen it) would make him as happy as any toy<\/p>\r\nWe want to keep our gifts as simple and plain and calm as possible, because both boys enjoy everything<\/u> (almost) and we want them to be able to use<\/u> their toys instead of be entertained by them.<\/p>\r\n
\r\n[I want you in no<\/u> way to think of this as a
xxx<\/strike> criticism of any past or present Christmas plans or any such\u2014only an awareness that we will have something that not many families in the world will have this Christmas, that nothing can buy, that is beyond all value: we<\/u> will<\/u> all<\/u> be<\/u> together<\/u>.<\/p>\r\nno gift can equal that\u2014all else is only a token.<\/p>\r\n
And I want us all not to be so involved in the material world of tokens that we forget our brothers & sisters who have neither the tokens nor the being together.]<\/p>\r\n
\r\nHere is another thing I feel I have not explained clearly: on the material plane, neither boy has barely a need to consider. They both have large<\/u> wardrobes of good clothes, vast amounts of toys\u2014and here is the problem: Jed has gotten so<\/u> involved in his toys and possessions and doings that he is going through a stage of being very fiercely jealous. He does\u2019t let Joaquin even touch<\/u> \u201chis\u201d chair or \u201chis\u201d cup, doesn\u2019t want any company, to play with \u201chis\u201d toys, etc. Added in margin next to this paragraph: 3 weeks later this, of course, is no longer true.<\/span> For some reason(s) he has become so
xxx<\/strike> self-involved with his things that he is threatened by anyone else\u2019s presence or touching. So I feel that at this time in his life he does not need more stuff<\/u> to invest himself in\u2014rather he needs to learn sharing & giving. For this reason I am going to make<\/u> toys for his friends\u2014beanbags or possibly sock-puppets, and have him help me\u2014we\u2019ll make one for him, one for Joaquin, etc\u2014and this is what he will get (overtly) from us for Christmas. Actually, he already has his Christmas present, as we decided he was ready for it now\u2014a set of Cuisenairrexxx<\/strike> rods, which are an incredibly fine teaching device for non-verbal math concepts.<\/p>\r\nI\u2019m really not<\/u> saying, and really don\u2019t mean, that you
xxx<\/strike> shouldn\u2019t go & get any presents\u2014especially because I know that getting them, and anticipating the reciever\u2019s delight & use, is such fun\u2014only I hope that no one goes on any expensive trips, orx<\/strike> any major investments in things<\/u>\u2014our major investments should be in how we feel<\/u> towards each other.<\/p>\r\nThat last paragraph was at the top of a page. After it, the rest of the page is torn away. On the back of the quarter-page containing the above paragraph, Marcy added a further note, written after the other letter:<\/span><\/p>\r\n
the rest was irrelevant. This part of the letter was, of course, written long before the 2nd part, which is in the envelope first\u2026<\/p>\r\n
love<\/p>\r\n
PMJJ<\/p>\r\n
see you all soon<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
And the second letter:<\/p>\r\n
\r\n5 December<\/p>\r\n
late evening<\/p>\r\n
Dear Grandparents<\/p>\r\n
Its been so long since I started the \u201cother\u201d letter (enclosed) that I decided I\u2019d better do it over, & send you the old one, too. Folding diapers, even, Christmas looms heavily as a time of potential problem and a real
x<\/strike> source of joy for our kids, hoping to make it real<\/u> for them, and not the commercial-jingle bells-si-o-lent night-bolster-the-economy problem it has become for our dying society. How to do this is to keep it pure & simple. Jed would love, I\u2019m sure, to go to church (if it were a short service) probably just once\u2014he\u2019s never been to a Christian church that he remembers. He will love excitement, but in a very controlled way, as he gets very high & out of control quickly. And the excitement will be, for him, for a magic evening and day, and not<\/u> for the expectation of Santa Claus & presents. The animals talking at midnight is much more real & meaningful for a child who can really travel into his fanasy world, than a gift-grubbing Santa Claus\u2014not that the myth isn\u2019t okay, but the give-me-everything-I-want part is just plain wrong\u2014no good for him or any kid.<\/p>\r\nOne important thing I want to express
x<\/strike> is that, without dampening anyone\u2019s joy at giving, I don\u2019t want him gorged on presents. Our food is, and will remain, simple, but I know that the delight of having him around will make everyone just want to give<\/u> him things\u2014and things<\/u> are what hex<\/strike> simply does not need. He is a lovely and perfect gentleman about thankyous<\/u> and you\u2019re welcomes<\/u>, but utterly strident & insistent about anything new for himself. This is not to say don\u2019t get him any presents, but rather a request that youxxx<\/strike> give small simple things\u2014his ball last year was just a favorite toy till the day it melted, and long after as well. He deeply appreciates books, and can handle any stories up to a 4 or 5 year old level\u2014any AA milne books would be good; one of his favorites from the library is \u201cThe Little Drummer Boy\u201d byxxx<\/strike> Harry Simeone, illustrated by Ezra Jack Keats. I don\u2019t believe he\u2019s ever heard the record it came from. He\u2019d like to have some mittens, but needs no<\/u> other clothing. (Though if someone could give him a thousand million pockets<\/u> for all his clothes, he\u2019d be overwhelmed with joy.)<\/p>\r\nWritten in margin:<\/span> Hop<\/u> on<\/u> Pop<\/u> is the only Dr. Seuss I can abide.<\/p>\r\n
Joaquin needs nothing but love to make him deleriously happy\u2014no one could say that there\u2019s a happier baby in the world. The only things I can think of to get him, thinking as hard as I can, are some cloth, non-toxic, non-tearing books (not the thick cardboard ones as little fingers can\u2019t turn those pages) and perhaps a Playskool (
brand<\/strike> Brand name) giraffe\u2014a kind of a walker-rider-toddler toy that has wheels, and a learner-to-walk can lean on it, or sit & ride it.<\/p>\r\nBoth kids get more fun from climbing, pots & pans, wooden and silver spoons, cardboard boxes, scissors-&-paper (for Jed), beanbags, soap-&-water, and like that, than they do with any commercial toys, so when I say they need nothing, what I really mean is they don\u2019t need much of the commercial amusing\/stimulating structured things.<\/p>\r\n
I think I\u2019ve said what I need to\u2014hope you can get an intuitive grasp of what I mean, \u2019cos this letter is surely not very clear or logical.<\/p>\r\n
Let me close with this quote Peter found in the paper:<\/p>\r\n
Addiction can only be cured by a meaningful life.<\/u><\/p>\r\n
Bear in mind that a meaningful life for a young man today is not just<\/u> going to school and eating pure foods and keeping aloof from any impurity around him\u2014to have meaning in your life, you have to share the love
x<\/strike> inside with others<\/p>\r\nGrandma, I cannot tell you this too strongly, tho I wonder how you will hear me: John\u2019s friend is my sister, though I don\u2019t even know her name, as you<\/u> are my sister, and<\/u> she<\/u> is<\/u> your<\/u> sister<\/u>\u2014as God is your father, you are my sister\u2014and every woman\u2019s\u2014if you persist in your small idea of \u201cI will only give to help My Own,\u201d
x<\/strike> your last chance of communicating with your children and grandchildren is gone\u2014because we are starting to envision, and to find<\/u>, a world where we are all brothers and sisters, where no man, no woman, is an island, but we are all together beads on the necklace of life. This has so long been a barrier that you will see more & more of young people bending over backwards to show their brother\/sister hood with each other. And your idea of \u201cown family\u201d has plagued and hurt and frozen me for so long I have never before been able to reply to it. Now I must, as I see you destroying your own happiness with it, by alienating John and his friend and the rest of us, too.<\/p>\r\nYour moral objection to his relationship\u2014well, that\u2019s too bad, but that\u2019s one you<\/u> both are stuck with, and
xxx<\/strike> (I believe) a poison you will someday be purified of\u2014perhaps not in this lifetime\u2014youxxx<\/strike> have my respect for sticking to what you believe. But this other idea, that we must all support only ourxxx<\/strike> \u201cown\u201d families\u2014though part and parcel of the same moral ancestry, is in and of itself a doomed and destructive idea\u2014if for no other reason than the preservation of a loving, meaningful relationship with your sons, try to atxxx<\/strike> least consider that she is your family too, and<\/u> Mario too (even more so, he and J & D are brothers through many shared experiences on levels so deep none of us can even imagine them, I\u2019m sure\u2026). Saying \u201cI can\u2019t help support you because I disapprove of your relationship with this girl\u201d is very<\/u> very<\/u> different from \u201cI won\u2019t help you because she might inadvertently reap some benefit.\u201d<\/p>\r\nAlso (almost incidentally) please remember that moral disapproval does not<\/u> mean cessation of love\u2014don\u2019t forget to love John\u2014and consider the generation gap before you try too hard to explain to him what you think\u2014for the emotional levels that
xxx<\/strike> cloud every family\u2019s hassles can be very very<\/u> cloudy. Please, above all, remember that the only<\/u> cure for addiction is axxx<\/strike> meaningful<\/u> life\u2026xxx<\/strike> any kind of addiction at all.<\/p>\r\nI love you both\u2014<\/p>\r\n
Marcy.<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
Notes:<\/p>\r\n
\r\n
- Another Mother for Peace<\/dt>\r\n
- For the organization\u2019s history<\/a>, see Wikipedia. I was startled to learn that the organization has been revived and has a website<\/a>.<\/dd>\r\n
- \u201csecty of state Rogers\u201d<\/dt>\r\n
- William P. Rogers<\/a>, Nixon\u2019s Secretary of State.<\/dd>\r\n
- \u201cSt. Vinnie\u2019s\u201d<\/dt>\r\n
- Presumably Society of St Vincent de Paul<\/a> thrift stores.<\/dd>\r\n
- \u201cCuisenairre rods\u201d<\/dt>\r\n
- I vaguely remember having Cuisenaire rods<\/a> as a kid. I also vaguely remember not parsing that phrase as two separate words\u2014I didn\u2019t know what Cuisenaire<\/i> meant (turns out it was the name of the inventor), just thought of \u201cCuisenairerods\u201d as what they were called.<\/dd>\r\n
- \u201cThe Little Drummer Boy\u201d<\/dt>\r\n
- Huh\u2014it turns out that the song<\/a> was written by Katherine Kennicott Davis in 1941, and first released in 1951. Harry Simeone\u2019s 1958 recording became immensely popular, which must be why Marcy considered the song to be by him. The book<\/a> appears to have consisted of the lyrics, plus illustrations by Ezra Jack Keats, though not at all in the style that I associate with him.<\/dd>\r\n
- Mario<\/dt>\r\n
- I vaguely think Mario was a friend of David\u2019s and Dobe\u2019s who was in prison with them, but I\u2019m not remembering for sure.<\/dd>\r\n<\/dl>\r\n\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In which Marcy writes about the war in Vietnam, the materialism of Christmas, and the importance of staying connected with family. \u201cour major investments should be in how we feel<\/u> towards each other.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-430","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-from-marcy","category-uc-berkeley"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=430"}],"version-history":[{"count":32,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":469,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430\/revisions\/469"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=430"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=430"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/pmjj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=430"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}