Some time ago, Dominus pointed out to me that \"singer,\" \"finger,\" and \"ginger\" look like they should rhyme but have entirely different pronunciations. I was amused but didn't know what to do with that information until Jim sent me a forwarded version of the following poem.<\/p>\r\n
That version was titled \"English Is Tough Stuff\" and included a false claim that the intent was to help multinational NATO personnel pronounce English. Actually, the poem was written by a Dutch writer named G. J. Nolst Tr\u00e8nit\u00e8 (1870-1946), also known as \"Charivarius.\" One version on the Web gives a tentative date of 1922; a German site<\/a> states that it appeared in Tr\u00e8nit\u00e8's Drop Your Foreign Accent\u2014Engelse Uitspraakoefeningen<\/cite> (5th revised edition, H. D. Tjeenk Willink & Zoon, 1929). I'm going to take the chance that it was indeed first published in 1922 and is thus out of copyright.<\/p>\r\n The poem is mostly a list of English words which either look like they should rhyme but don't, or have very different spellings but rhyme anyway. The most interesting thing about it is the way that it's been changed by the folk process: punctuation, \"and\"s, and some spellings vary quite a bit among the versions on the Web, and there are a dozen couplets that are in some versions but not others. My guess is that an American read the poem and thought, \"Some of these lines just don't make any sense!\", not realizing that it uses British pronunciations.... Also, some pronunciations have changed since the poem was written, making some lines rather confusing. The following version is my best guess at what the original might have been, combining elements from multiple versions and massaging the result slightly for scansion. I've added explanatory notes to some lines.<\/p>\r\n Note added in 2019: in 2018, I posted more information<\/a> about the original poem. It turns out that many of my assumptions in the following version were wrong, but I\u2019m leaving my version here for historical reasons.<\/p>\r\n\r\n by \"Charivarius\"<\/p>\r\n Dearest creature in Creation, The pronunciations I've given are mostly ASCII IPA<\/a> transcriptions of the pronunciations from Webster's Tenth New Collegiate Dictionary<\/cite><\/a>.<\/p>\r\nThe Chaos<\/h2>\r\n
\r\nStudying English pronunciation,
\r\nI will teach you in my verse
\r\nSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
\r\nI will keep you, Susy, busy, [American version has \"Suzy\"]<\/i>
\r\nMake your head with heat grow dizzy;
\r\nTear in eye, your dress you'll tear.
\r\nSo shall I! Oh, hear my prayer.
\r\nPray, console your loving poet,
\r\nMake my coat look new, dear, sew it!
\r\nJust compare heart, beard, and heard,
\r\nDies and diet, lord and word,
\r\nSword and sward, retain and Britain.
\r\n(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
\r\nMade has not the sound of bade, [preferred pronunciation is \/b&d\/, not \/beId\/]<\/i>
\r\nSay\u2014said, pay\u2014paid, laid, but plaid.
\r\nNow I surely will not plague you
\r\nWith such words as vague [plaque?]<\/i> and ague,
\r\nBut be careful how you speak,
\r\nSay break and steak, but bleak and streak;
\r\nPrevious, precious, fuchsia, via:
\r\nPipe, snipe, recipe and chair, [this must be wrong; I doubt \"via\" and \"chair\" rhyme in any accent....]<\/i>
\r\nCloven, oven; how and low,
\r\nScript, receipt; shoe, poem, toe,
\r\nHear me say, devoid of trickery,
\r\nDaughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
\r\nTyphoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
\r\nExiles, similes, reviles;
\r\nWholly, holly, signal, signing;
\r\nThames, examining, combining;
\r\nScholar, vicar, and cigar,
\r\nSolar, mica, war and far;
\r\nFrom \"desire\": desirable\u2014admirable from \"admire,\"
\r\nLumber, plumber, bier but brier:
\r\nChatham, brougham; renown but known,
\r\nKnowledge done, but gone and tone,
\r\nOne, anemone; Balmoral,
\r\nKitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
\r\nGertrude, German, wind and mind;
\r\nScene, Melpomene, mankind.
\r\nTortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather, [\/'S& mi\/]<\/i>
\r\nReading, Reading, heathen, heather, [I assume first two are \/'ri dIN\/ (participle of \"to read\") and \/'rE dIN\/]<\/i>
\r\nThis phonetic labyrinth
\r\nGives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth and plinth,
\r\nBillet does not rhyme with ballet,
\r\nBouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
\r\nBlood and flood are not like food,
\r\nNor is mould like should and would,
\r\nBanquet is not nearly parquet,
\r\nWhich is said to rhyme with \"darky.\" [this was cut in some versions, presumably to avoid giving offense; I restored it for completeness even though in American the word is \/'pAr keI\/, not \/'pAr ki\/] [2019 note: I appear to have been wrong about this word having been removed; more likely, it was added by some later author.]<\/i>
\r\nViscous, viscount; load and broad;
\r\nToward, to forward, to reward.
\r\nAnd your pronunciation's O.K.
\r\nWhen you say correctly croquet; [modern American stresses second syllable of both rhyming words here, which throws scansion off]<\/i>
\r\nRounded, wounded; grieve and sieve;
\r\nFriend and fiend; alive and live.
\r\nLiberty, library; heave and heaven;
\r\nRachel, ache, moustache; eleven.
\r\nWe say hallowed but allowed,
\r\nPeople, leopard; towed but vowed.
\r\nMark the difference moreover [I assume he pronounced \"difference\" with three syllables, both here and later]<\/i>
\r\nBetween mover, cover, and clover;
\r\nLeeches, breeches; wise, precise; [preferred pronunciation is \/'brItS @z\/, not \/'britS @z\/]<\/i>
\r\nChalice, but police and lice.
\r\nCamel, constable, unstable;
\r\nPrinciple, disciple; label,
\r\nPetal, penal, and canal;
\r\nWait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. [secondary pronunciation \/pl&t\/, rather than the preferred \/pleIt\/.]<\/i>
\r\nSuit, suite, run circuit, conduit, [secondary pronunciation \/'kAn d(w)It\/]<\/i>
\r\nRhyme with \"Shirk it\" and \"beyond it.\"
\r\nBut it is not hard to tell,
\r\nWhy it's Pall Mall, pall mall. [preferred pronunciation of the latter is \/pEl 'mEl\/]<\/i>
\r\nMuscle, muscular; gaol, iron; [British \/'aI @n\/, roughly]<\/i>
\r\nTimber, climber, bullion, lion;
\r\nWorm and storm; chaise, chaos, chair;
\r\nSenator, spectator, mayor. [I assume this rhymes better in British than in American.]<\/i>
\r\nIvy, privy; famous, clamour
\r\nAnd enamour rhyme with hammer.
\r\nPussy, hussy, and possess.
\r\nDesert but dessert, address;
\r\nGolf, wolf; countenance; lieutenants [British \/lEf 'tEn @nts\/]<\/i>
\r\nHoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.
\r\nRiver, rival, tomb, bomb, comb;
\r\nDoll and roll and some and home.
\r\nStranger does not rhyme with anger,
\r\nNeither does devour with clangour.
\r\nSoul but foul and gaunt but aunt [\/&nt\/, obviously]<\/i>
\r\nFont, front, wont; want, grand, and grant, [\"font\" and \"wont\" rhyme for me, but my dictionary distinguishes them as \/fAnt\/ and \/wOnt\/]<\/i>
\r\nShoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
\r\nAnd then singer, ginger, linger.
\r\nReal, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge, and gauge; [\/'rI (@)l\/, I guess, but \"real\" and \"zeal\" rhyme for me]<\/i>
\r\nMarriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
\r\nQuery does not rhyme with very, [it does for me, but \/'kwI ri\/ is preferred over my \/'kwE ri\/]<\/i>
\r\nNor does fury sound like bury. [you say \/'bE ri\/, I say \/'b@ ri\/; you say \/'fju ri\/, I say \/'fj@ ri\/]<\/i>
\r\nDost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth.
\r\nJob, job, blossom, bosom, oath [first two here are Biblical \/dZob\/ and working \/dZAb\/]<\/i>
\r\nThough the difference seems little,
\r\nWe say actual but victual. [some people incorrectly say \/'vIk tSu @l\/]<\/i>
\r\nSeat, sweat, chaste and caste: Leigh, eight and height, [I've heard people say \/keIst\/, but it's \/k&st\/. And scansion is mangled here.]<\/i>
\r\nPut, nut, granite but unite,
\r\nRefer does not rhyme with deafer.
\r\nFeoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
\r\nDull, bull; Geoffrey, George ate late,
\r\nHint, pint, senate and sedate;
\r\nScenic, Arabic, pacific;
\r\nScience, conscience, scientific.
\r\nTour, but our, succour, four, [British pronunciations to rhyme with next line]<\/i>
\r\nGas, alas, and Arkansas.
\r\nSea, idea, guinea, area,
\r\nPsalm, Maria, but malaria.
\r\nYouth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
\r\nDoctrine, turpentine, marine.
\r\nCompare alien with Italian,
\r\nDandelion with battalion,
\r\nSally with ally; yea, ye,
\r\nEye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!
\r\nSay aver, but ever, fever,
\r\nNeither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
\r\nNever guess\u2014it is not safe;
\r\nWe say calves, valves, half but Ralph! [British \/reIf\/]<\/i>
\r\nHeron; granary, canary,
\r\nCrevice and device and aerie;
\r\nFace, but preface, but efface.
\r\nPhlegm, phlegmatic; ass, glass, bass.
\r\nLarge, but target, gin, give, verging.
\r\nOught, out, joust, and scour, but scourging
\r\nEar, but earn, and wear and tear
\r\nDo not rhyme with here but ere.
\r\nSeven is right, but so is even;
\r\nHyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
\r\nMonkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk; [British \/clArk\/]<\/i>
\r\nAsp, grasp, wasp; and cork and work.
\r\nPronunciation\u2014think of psyche!
\r\nIs a paling stout and spikey?
\r\nWon't it make you lose your wits,
\r\nWriting groats and saying grits? [Were these once pronounced the same?]<\/i>
\r\nIt's a dark abyss or tunnel,
\r\nStrewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale, [\/'rA l@k\/, \/'g@n @l\/]<\/i>
\r\nIslington and Isle of Wight, [\/'Iz lIN t@n\/]<\/i>
\r\nHousewife, verdict and indict.
\r\nDon't you think so, reader, rather, [rhymes with next line in British]<\/i>
\r\nSaying lather, bather, father?
\r\nFinally: which rhymes with enough\u2014
\r\nThough, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?
\r\nHiccough has the sound of cup.
\r\nMy advice is\u2014give it up!<\/p>\r\n