{"id":2704,"date":"1997-08-31T00:00:00","date_gmt":"1997-08-31T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kith.org\/words\/1997\/08\/31\/isms\/"},"modified":"2018-01-14T15:58:20","modified_gmt":"2018-01-14T23:58:20","slug":"isms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kith.org\/words\/1997\/08\/31\/isms\/","title":{"rendered":"I: Hybrid Vigor"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

When the '90s began, some people were quick to come up with new paradigms for the new decade...<\/p>\r\n\r\n

New Crossbred Isms for the '90s<\/h2>\r\n

by Ranjit Bhatnagar<\/a> (8\/21\/90)<\/p>\r\n

\r\n
Blaspheminism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Take the patriarchy and stuff it up your Messiah.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Antisocialism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"The heart of the Nation is the worker who works alone.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Intercommunism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"The proletariat shall not rest until the means of communication have been wrested from the hands of the bourgoisie.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Andy Cappitalism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Lend me five quid, luv?\" \"Cor, you're not investing in S&Ls again!?\"<\/dd>\r\n
Parterrorism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Take this plane to Cuba or we overwater the flower garden!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Robotulism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"And in Detroit, another six dozen industrial welders succumbed to Mrs Dorfmann's canned beans today, bringing the total costs to...\"<\/dd>\r\n
Superegotism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"My conscience is bigger than yours.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Seconaltruism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"I love humanity... as long as I take these pills twice a day.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Salad Barbarism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Emperor! The Vandals demand croutons! And forty stone of cress!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Rose Bolshevism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"...with just two minutes on the clock, Leningrad needs two touchdowns to take the game...\"<\/dd>\r\n
Siliconservatism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Keep the Free Market free of foreign memory chips!\"<\/dd>\r\n
ACLUphemism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"I hear your son is a card carrying member of the... um... the Willie Horton Fan Club.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Kleenexorcism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"In the name of the Lord, sneeze<\/em> the devil right out of ya!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Hey Judaism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Don't make it bad. Take a Seder song and make it better...\"<\/dd>\r\n
Christmasochism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"It's December 23rd! I must get to the mall!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Cecil B. DeMilitarism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Rambo III, sweatier than ever, kills a cast of thousands!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Frayed Nazism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"We don't serve Strings in this bar.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Malaproptimism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"It'll come out alright in the wash.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Tresspacifism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"We're occupying this missile base until the arms reduction treaty is signed.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Lollipopulism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"There's a Sucker born every minute.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Max Headrheumatism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Wh- wh- where's my Ben GGGGGay?\"<\/dd>\r\n
Sadism so!<\/dt>\r\n
\"Shoeless Joe Jackson was suspended for whipping a batboy...\"<\/dd>\r\n
Aerosolipsism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Just one person using flourocarbons won't make a difference...\"<\/dd>\r\n<\/dl>\r\n

I liked Ranjit's idea so much I came up with a few of my own:<\/p>\r\n

\r\n
Sugar Racism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Black boxers are much better than white boxers.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Eau de Colonialism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"The perfume used by more British officers in India.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Grand Malapropism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"The sun was obscured by the moon this morning in a total epilepsy.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Safe Sexism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Now there<\/em>'s a chick I'd like to use a condom with!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Bobcataclysm.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Lynxes will bring about the end of the world!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Pomme de Territorialism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"We grew that potato, but our landlord gets to eat it.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Sentenced to Prism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"A beam of light was incarcerated in a crystal today after it was caught going 185,935 mph over the speed limit.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Land of the Lostracism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"You don't know the theme songs to '70s TV shows? Get outta here!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Original Cynicism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"What the hell, the garden's going to seed anyway\u2014hand me that apple.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Radioactivism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"Hell no, we won't glow!\"<\/dd>\r\n
Expatriotism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"America\u2014love it and<\/em> leave it.\"<\/dd>\r\n
Ogden Nationalism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"My country 'tis of thee \/ and also of the lllama which, in my considered opinion, you'll never see \/ the lllama spelled with an l, another l, and yet another l, for a grand total, unless I've counted wrong, of three...\"<\/dd>\r\n
Soup du Journalism.<\/dt>\r\n
\"All the news that's fit to eat.\"<\/dd>\r\n<\/dl>\r\n
\r\n

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