“Song of the Old Soldier”, by W.H. Auden.
When the Sex War ended with the slaughter of the Grandmothers,
They found a bachelor’s baby suffocating under them;
Somebody called him George and that was the end of it:
They hitched him up to the Army.
George you old debutante,
How did you get in the Army?
In the Retreat from Reason he deserted on his rocking-horse
And lived on a fairy's kindness till he tired of kicking her;
He smashed her spectacles and stole her check-book and mackintosh
Then cruised his way back to the Army.
George you old numero,
How did you get in the Army?
Before the Diet of Sugar he was using razor-blades
And exited soon after with an allergy to maidenheads;
He discovered a cure of his own, but no one would patent it.
So he showed up again in the Army.
George you old flybynight,
How did you get in the Army?
When the Vice Crusades were over he was hired by some Muscovites
Prospecting for deodorants among the Eskimos;
He was caught by a common cold and condemned to the whiskey mines.
But schemozzled back to the Army.
George you old Emperor,
How did you get in the Army?
Since Peace was signed with Honour he’s been minding his business;
But, whoops, here comes His Idleness, buttoning his uniform;
Just in tidy time to massacre the Innocents;
He’s come home to roost in the Army.
George you old matador.
Welcome hack to the Army,
Tolerabimus quod tolerare debemus,
-Vardibidian.