Stick it

Well, and nobody has asked Your Humble Blogger to join the latest book meme, but since I’ve been thinking about my answers, I’ll go ahead and blog ’em. By the way, I’ve never spent time running one of these memes to ground before, and it’s fascinating. This one is called The Stick, and the earliest version I could find is from a blog called The Pink Bee, and I’ll use the form of questions from that entry.

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be? Oddly enough, many of the people who have passed along this Stick either haven’t read the book or have forgotten it. I would have expected that to break the Stick, but it hasn’t. Anyway, for those Gentle Readers who have forgotten the book, at the end, the runaways are each responsible for a book (or perhaps more than one) that they keep alive in their minds and by retelling it. So the immediate and obvious answer is Ecclesiastes, not only because it is (a) a terrific book and (2) works so well aloud that I could happily recite it hundreds of times, but also because Ecclesiastes is still alive at the end of Fahrenheit 451, which is important. If we rule out the books represented by actual characters, I’d be inclined to go with Red Harvest, which again I could happily read aloud every day for the rest of my life. Come to think of it, though, perhaps under the circumstances being some book with very hot sex scenes would be a good idea. Sadly, I can’t think of any at the moment. No, really, not a good book.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? No, I don’t think I have. I was expecting to answer yes, but on reflection, I haven’t. I’m defining crush here as I would in more or less real life, that I imagine myself spending a lot of time with her (or him), fantasize about her liking me, maybe idly sketch out a future of us together. Nope. There are lots of characters (mostly male) who I imagine myself as being, and for some of them implies imagining myself-as-Wimsey (or whoever) with a crush on some other character in the story, but that’s different. The closest, I suppose, is my slight crush on Ellie Dunn as played by Amy Irving in Heartbreak House, but that has as much to do with Ms. Irving as Ms. Dunn. More.

The last book you bought is: This is tricky. I think—I think the last book I purchased for myself was A Fire upon the Deep. My Best Reader has since purchased The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay for us to share, and I have also received the San Francisco Giants 2005 Media Guide, but those don’t count. The last book I purchased new was probably The Holy Tango of Literature—no, wait, I tell a lie, I bought Slaves of the Mastery in an actual bookstore, yet.

The last book you read: The last book I completed was Villa Incognito, by Tom Robbins. No, I haven’t blogged it yet. For those keeping track at home, I am two Book Reports behind, not counting the Reciter.

What are you currently reading? The Faber Popular Reciter, as Gentle Readers will be all too aware. Also, I have so far read one story in McSweeney's Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories, one story in The Year's Best Science Fiction 2001: Nineteenth Annual Collection, both of which I picked up at the library, and one essay in Wise Men and Their Tales, which I have owned for four months. Oh, and the aforementioned Kavalier and Clay. And the Media Guide, of course. Oh, and Leviticus.

Five books you would take to a deserted island? The desert-island idiom, as I take it, means that these five books are the only form of outside entertainment you will have for a period of years. The smart-arse response of How to Survive on a Deserted Island will be outlawed; the intent of the question is clear, and pretending not to get it does not make me any cleverer. And I will interpret the rule to be that any book that has actually been published in a single volume counts as one; no fair making up a perfect anthology, but there’s also no reason to deny that anthologies exist. In other words, you have to be able to go to a store (or to bookfinder) and get the book, if you could afford it.

So. The first and easiest answer appears to be the Bible, but which one? I’ll go with the Hertz Chumash, because having the parshah divisions would be important to me. It’s a tough choice, though. My Oxford Annotated RSV is a better translation, with good notes, and includes the Gospels, Epistles, and the Apocrypha, and the NRSV version is likely even better. On the other hand, the Hertz has the Hebrew. Honestly, it’s tempting to take them both, which would leave me only three others.

The second has got to be the Riverside Shakespeare. I could easily set up a schedule that would go through all the plays and supplemental material in a year, and then go around again, getting more out of it the fifth and seventh years than the first and second. And, of course, if the island is really deserted, I can read it as loud and as hammily as I like.

My third book, I think, would be some really good compendium cookbook. To read. Really. I know next to nothing about cooking, and I can easily imagine spending hundreds of happy hours perusing a good well-written and comprehensive cookbook. I could design imaginary banquets, I could set up guessing games and analyses, and of course I could learn something about food and cooking. The point is that in some years of reading the thing, I doubt I could ever wear it entirely out; there would always be a new way of making it interesting to myself. The problem, though, is that I’d have to pick one, and I don’t know enough about them to get one that has good information along with the numbers. My guess is that the Better Homes and Gardens would be better for the purpose than the Joy of Cooking or the Good Housekeeping Cookbook, but would the Fannie Farmer be better? And wouldn’t it suck to get to the island and find I had the wrong one?

OK, the fourth book is the Dashiell Hammett Complete Novels, although I think there’s a British Edition Dashiell Hammett Omnibus which gets me the same five novels plus a few short stories for lagniappe. That’s a solid bet, and provides comfort reading of a sort. Comfort reading is important.

Let’s see ... I get one more book. My best reader suggested an anthology of works in a genre I’m unfamiliar with, something such as The Morrow Anthology of Great Western Short Stories or A Century of Great Western Stories. That’s an excellent idea, as it would be educational and entertaining, and after the first time or two through, I could amuse myself attempting to spot trends and influences. On the other hand, what if it turns out that I really don’t like westerns? And if I’m going to broaden my mind a trifle, should I reach beyond the west, and maybe, I don’t know, find a one-volume Mahabharata in English? Or even an I Ching? You know, I’m beginning to question whether this whole desert-island thing was a good idea in the first place. If I don’t take Kavalier and Clay, I won’t ever finish it, but if I do take it, that’ll suck for my Best Reader. Aw, heck. Bleak House.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why? Well, and I’m not, but taking the question, I’d have to say ... um ... regular commenter david, as I haven’t seen his bookshelves in ages, and because his tastes and interests are different from mine while his takes on them I find fascinating. Dan “Position of Ignorance” Percival, as I’ve never seen his bookshelves at all, and would like to know what his tastes and interests are in the first place. A good third would be metasilk, although of course any of my Gentle Readers could well write up a fascinating essay on the topic. The original intent, of course, was to make the Stick an obligation, so the choosing involved the fun of putting this goofy burden on a buddy, like setting a glass of water on his back, and sitting back to watch the fun.

OK. That’s enough time spent on this Stick. Someday, I’ll have the energy and attention to write on politics and philosophy again, right?

chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek,
-Vardibidian.