So. Your Humble Blogger has a friend who is at the right moment in life to really enjoy a Mix Tape on the theme “Men are all Jerks”. At least so I judge. I could well be wrong. Also, I don’t think this friend is a Gentle Reader of this blog, but I could be wrong about that, too. So, I ask your assistance, Gentle Reader, in two areas. First, recommendations for the mix, and second, if you are at the right moment in life to really enjoy a Mix Tape on the theme “Men are all Jerks”, let me know. OK, the criteria. First, I think, is to just accumulate a list of songs, and then we can rank them keep an hours’ worth. Ideally, what we’re looking for are not songs that vilify a particular man (see the Kiss Off mix for some of those), but songs that discuss the generally unsatisfactory nature of the male animal, taken individually or en mass. The quintessential “Men are all Jerks” song is, of course, “Most Gentlemen Don’t Like Love”, by the great Cole Porter: As madam Sappho in some sonnet said, / A slap and a tickle / Is all that the fickle / Male / Ever has in his head. I’m also fond of Uncle Bonsai’s “Boys want Sex in the Morning”: Boys want/Someone who's winsome/Someone to pin some-/-One to undertake/Boys want/Someone to fall on/Someone to crawl on/Someone half awake. I would have to include Johnny Mercer’s “Blues in the Night”:
My momma done told meAny more like that, Gentle Readers?
When I was in pigtails
My momma done told me, Hon
A man gonna sweet talk
and give you the big eye,
But when the sweet talkin's done
A man is a two face,
A worrisome thing,
Who'll leave you to sing
The blues in the night.
The next category, I think a step down from that, to put on the mix, are songs typifying male jerkosity. The “Hymn to Him” from My Fair Lady (Why can’t a woman/be more like a man) comes to mind, as does “In Praise of Women” from A Little Night Music (Capable, pliable/Women, women.../Understanding and reliable/Knowing their place/Insufferable, yes, but gentle/Their weaknesses are incidental/A functional but ornamental/Race.). Off of Broadway, there’s Louis Jordan’s “Beware, Brother, Beware”: Now listen, if she calls you up on the phone/and says,"Darling, are you all alone?/Tell her, "No, I've got five women with me!" Ideally, Gentle Reader, these would be, you know, jokes, rather than guys talking about manliness in all seriousness. But, hey, whatever you’ve got.
Then there are songs about a particular guy. These can be ok, as long as they’re not too specific. Remember, the point of the mix is not “Your Boyfriend’s a Dick”, but that Men are all Jerks. I might include “Annie doesn’t live here anymore”: That gal was so faithful/She was a pitiful sight/She waited and watched and waited and watched/but you didn’t write. Or Dave’s True Story’s “I’ll Never Read Trollope Again”: I was sitting in a quaint café/With a favorite tome and some cafe au lait/But my luck ran out when you came my way/Now I'll never read Trollope again. Or even a “Frankie and Johnny”, maybe. But these would have to fill up a mix, rather than being the core of the thing.
chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek,
-Vardibidian.
I’ve got an advance CD of Norma Waterson singing a song called “There ain’t no sweet man who’s* worth the salt of my tears”.
Here’s the amazon link, with a sample
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00000062Y/202-4324224-1193430
*Also “that’s”, in the lyrics.
It looks like there’s other singers who’ve done this; I do like this version, which has her daughter, Eliza Carthy, singing backup.
I can’t believe I forgot about that song. It’s clearly in the mix. My version is the Cats’N’Jammers, but I wouldn’t mind using a different one.
Thanks,
-V.
Hey, if you’ve got a good version already, go with it.
I hope I’m not spamming you! I tend toward rather folky tastes, so I don’t know how well all of these would fit in.
It’s also known as “Come all you [or ye] fair and tender maidens”. I’m most familiar with Pete Singer or Jean Ritchie singing it, though I gather the Grateful Dead did it, too, among others.
June Tabor seems to have at least one anti-man-in-a-romantic-sense song per album, at least on the three that we have. There’s “I wonder what’s keeping my true love tonight”* (with the pronouns changed to “he” and “him”) from Aleyn. “False, False“, from Against the Streams (June didn’t do the possible last verse at the link, unfortunately for your mix). “Cold and Raw” (June’s version is from the female point of view) from Ashes and Diamonds is least appropriate, since it’s about a man soliciting a farm maid, but he only wants to pay her for one night. These are all about specific men, but they’re unnamed.
*Kate Rusby does this one, too, but she just sounds sad — June sounds angry.
Continuing on Nao’s theme, there’s “Nutting Girl” (admonition to young women not to get woo’d by farmboys and stay out too late with them, as such things never end well for the young women). The only recording I know is on Morris On.
Also, perhaps not what you’re looking for, but “Me and a Gun”, by Tori Amos (don’t offer a ride to an innocent-seeming man because, well, such things can end very, very badly).
Though in both cases, it’s not so much “the generally unsatisfactory nature of the male animal” as “the truly pathological evil nature of the male animal”….
Hey V – Go check out Ben’s meme sometime.
Meanwhile, here’s a suggestion for your mix. “Silver Dagger.” I don’t know of any recordings of it (my pappy larned it to me), but here are the lyrics. Quick Google search later, it seems that both Dolly Parton and Joan Baez have recorded it. Peace.
There’s Nick Lowe’s “All Men Are Liars” (also covered quite well by Dar Williams).