Movie Report: The Decoy Bride

So. Consider what you know about the plot of a movie, knowing only that it is called The Decoy Bride. You know, for instance, that there’s a bride, and then that there’s a decoy bride. A groom can be assumed as well—a movie about a same-sex wedding with a decoy bride couldn’t be called The Decoy Bride, although now that I think about it, if one of the grooms has, say, and elderly and prejudiced aunt who they decide to trick into thinking… it could be a funny movie, but it’s the wrong title. Now, The Decoy Bride has got to be the one where the groom is going to marry the wrong woman, and needs a decoy bride for some reason (in the actual movie, it’s to avoid the press) and then he winds up accidentally marrying the decoy and then has to get the thing anulled, and meanwhile he falls in love with the decoy, and the intended bride falls in love with somebody else. All of that is perfectly obvious, right?

So I said before the movie started that I was going to be disappointed if they didn’t get the groom into a wedding dress, and disappointed I was. And they were nearly there: the groom (who was played by David Tennant, by the way) had saved the decoy bride from drowning, and they were both soaked, and they had to go back to her place and take off their wet things. We’re nearly there! All we need is for her to take his clothes away (to hang them on the line or whatever) and then for somebody to knock at the door. What would his fiancee think if she finds him in his underpants in this woman’s apartment? He has to hunt for something to wear and there isn’t anything—business, here, I would think, about him trying to fashion a garment out of random bits of things (the sofa throw and an apron from the kitchen?) while doing the just a minute, can’t find the key through the door—and then a quick cut to the outside of the door and we see over the shoulder of whoever is there (not the fiancee, of course, but a… policeman? A little old lady collecting for charity? Lots of possibilities) as he opens the door wearing the dress.

That’s all I ask. The titular decoy can come in at that moment and give him something more reasonable to wear; he doesn’t have to run around the rest of the movie in the dress. Although, of course, funny if he did.

Hm.

You know, in that other movie, could you call it The Bride was a Beard?

I’m thinking, also, that (a) the whole thing is a misapprehension and that the old lady who everybody is trying to fool is actually gay-positive, which the audience knows from an early scene, or (2) the BeardBride winds up with the wrong rich old lady. Ideally, really, a rich old lady who is actually a man in drag.

You know, The Bride was a Beard might be a better movie that The Decoy Bride

Tolerabimus quod tolerare debemus,
-Vardibidian.