Coffee à la Jed
Jed's recipe for attaining awakeness at 4 in the afternoon on a sleepy Tuesday. Note that Jed does not normally consume caffeine in any form if he can help it, due to a combination of strong distaste for the flavor of everything he's tasted that contains it in sufficient quantities, and general mild distrust of mood-altering chemicals.
- Stumble around groggily for a while wondering whether to go home and sleep or whether to give in and have some caffeine.
- Find a coffeepot that still has some coffee in it.
- Into a mug, pour a little less than 1/4 cup of coffee.
- Pour a whole bunch of sugar in. Maybe 2 tablespoons or so.
- Pour in a little more sugar just to be sure.
- Stir thoroughly.
- Taste the mixture.
- It's still ridiculously bitter, so add a little more sugar.
- Add another dash of sugar just in case.
- Fill the rest of the cup with 2% milk, or, if that's unavailable, a mixture of half-and-half and fat-free milk. Or, why not, whole milk.
- Drink.
- Wake up!
- Be startled at how much easier everything is when not half-asleep. And at how little caffeine it takes to wake me up.
- Realize that being awake doesn't solve the motivation problem: once I'm awake, how do I get myself to actually work? Clearly I need a different drug.
When I first sent a version of the above out to people, sometime last year, I got several responses noting that it was probably the sugar rather than the caffeine that was waking me up. Possibly. But sugar (even chocolate, which I understand contains a small amount of caffeine) doesn't normally wake me up very much or for very long, while even small quantities of coffee tend to have an immediate and lasting effect. Perhaps that means it's psychosomatic.
It was also suggested that I try Penguins caffeinated peppermints. Somehow those never appealed to me. But I suppose it might be worth a try.