Condolence letters
Wanted to say thanks to all of you who've dropped me notes of condolence and sympathy this past week. Even if I don't manage to respond to them, they've all helped, made me feel a little better.
I never know what to say to someone who's going through difficult times of any kind, much less what to say to someone when someone they care about has just died. I spend a lot of time worrying that I might say something wrong, worrying that I might say something cliched, worrying that I'll inadvertently make things worse, worrying that nothing I can say will be adequate, will do any good, worrying that expressions of sympathy will just make the recipient angry ("How dare you send me useless words when I'm in this much pain?").
But I think one thing I'm learning here, that I hope to be able to remember next time I'm on the other side of this, is that everything helps. E-hugs help lots (though I imagine that varies a lot among recipients, so I'll amend that to "e-hugs help me lots"); "I'm sorry to hear about your loss" helps; "Condolences" helps. "Let me know if there's anything I can do" helps—as someone who says that fairly often, I think it's generally understood that there usually isn't anything you can do, but the offer is nice to hear. Expressions of sympathy are good things. Nothing anyone can say will reverse the loss, but making that human connection helps ease the pain.
Um, I feel like I'm exaggerating this a bit; I'm talking more about the general case than about my case in particular. I should reiterate that it's not like I've been sobbing desolately all week or anything. But I have been sad, and it's been really nice knowing that people out there care.
Am trying to resist adding further disclaimers, but my secret identity Disclaimer Boy is forcing me to add: this is most definitely not meant to make anyone feel guilty for not having sent me a note, or to suggest that people should send me notes now. No worries, as my Australian friends say. (They say that to me a lot; besides Disclaimer Boy and Bad Analogy Lad, my superhero identities include The Worrywart and his sidekicks Stressbunny and Fretter.)
Hmm. Have a feeling there was more, but if so I've lost track.