Unaccountably mopey
Dunno why, just kind of in a blah mood all day today.
On the plus side, resolved a potentially bad interpersonal-interaction situation at work; a good reminder to me that sometimes just talking through things with someone who's unhappy with you really can make everything come out okay. I think sometimes even just demonstrating willingness to talk about it (rather than, as is too often my first response, to back into a defensive corner hissing and spitting and snarling) can help fix things. In general, the Universe tends to reward me when I manage to talk with people honestly and openly and from the heart, with a cooperative rather than a confrontational attitude; I wish that were easier to remember when I'm busy being scared to do it, or when I'm being so ego-bound that I can't let go of hurts and fears, of defensiveness and the desire to lash out at someone who I feel has attacked me.
Also on the plus side, had lunch with Arthur E. (who it turns out I haven't seen since before New Year's; he hadn't seen my latest haircut), and then after work went over to his and Pam's place for dinner with them and the kidlet and Vadim. Good food (leftover Indian), good friends, good conversation. I'm not quite sure how I ended up grumpy after that. Maybe more maudlin than grumpy; for some reason I got a little nostalgic on the drive home over missed opportunities and unrequited crushes old and new. That's a flip side of the "sometimes talking it through can fix things": just wanting something to be true doesn't make it true, and circumstances can conspire against things working out.
(I feel a little selfconscious talking about this stuff at all, given that several people regularly read this journal who know I've been interested in them in the past. And, of course, given that I've currently got two perfectly good sweeties who also read this, which makes me feel a little churlish to mope about such stuff. So, um, hi, y'all! :) Don't worry, I'm not all that mopey. Just a little.)
I think part of it was also that Vadim asked me what my plans for 2004 were, and I realized that I don't really have any. Keep on doing what I'm doing. Work, magazine, see friends occasionally, write email, post journal entries, read fiction, maybe write a little now and then. I should note that I like settled routine; I'm not so much into change. So it seems like "keep on" shouldn't be bad. But I think a lot of things in my life have felt a little beyond my control for a long time now, and the prospect of that continuing is a little daunting. Maybe.
Or maybe I'm just tired; that's also a possibility. Even a likelihood, since I suspect I'll be fine in the morning, when my natural optimism will likely reassert itself.
