Last day
Yesterday was my last day at Macromedia. I've been wanting to write something about it, but haven't quite put the words together yet. But here's a stumbling sort of attempt.
Mostly, it didn't feel real. I've been working there for over five years, a little longer than I've worked anywhere else. I didn't make any close personal friends there among the people I didn't already know from before (which I attribute mostly to a combination of lack of shared interests, me being shy, my tendency to not talk about my personal life at work, and other people being too polite to push against the distance I maintained), but as I discovered when I put together a list of people to tell I was going, there are a lot of people there who I like, and who I'll miss, and who I'm sad to be no longer working with. Most of the people I worked with there are talented, smart, friendly, helpful, and fun. I hope to get a chance to work with them again someday; and the way people shift from company to company in Silicon Valley, it's not entirely unlikely that that'll happen eventually.
I've never been any good at goodbyes. My group took me out to lunch, and we chatted and laughed and it was pretty much like any group lunch we've had in the past few years, except that it was the last one I'd be attending. Later, after I'd packed up and was all ready to go, I stopped to say goodbye to a few particular people, and there was a general sentiment that I wasn't really leaving, that I would be showing up on Monday just like usual. It felt a little that way to me, too.
I was being perhaps even more poker-faced than usual, not showing much of what was going on my head, partly 'cause I wasn't entirely sure what was going on in my head. I didn't really know how to make clear that I was sad about leaving, without it sounding weird: after all, I did choose to leave. And that was a little weird too; I've only left two or three jobs since college, and none of those were my choice. (Contract ending, then getting laid off twice.) This is the first time (since college) that I've decided to leave a job that still wanted me.
Anyway, people were nice. I got a few hugs—always a little awkward with co-workers, but appreciated—and a few very nice compliments, and a general impression that people were sad to see me go. And then I got in the car and drove home.
. . . I didn't really capture everything I meant to here, but I should get going—off to discuss California ballot measures with some friends. To those of you from Macromedia who are reading this (I suspect there are half a dozen of you): welcome to my journal! And I'm glad to have worked with you.
I start at Google on Monday. I'm nervous, but I'm sure it'll work out fine. I'll keep y'all posted.