Regrets?

16 Comments

Oddly moody this evening, despite a nice dinner with Arthur & Pam & Ray.

Here's another reader-comments experiment. Not sure if it's a good idea; I reserve the right to shut off comments on this entry.

But here's the experiment: if you're so inclined, post a comment to this entry mentioning (in any level of detail you like) either something that you regret, or something that you don't regret. Interpret that as broadly or as narrowly as you like.

Feel free to post anonymously if you like, and (since I'm thinking that some of the first things that spring to mind might be kind of personal) remember that anything you post may stay on the Internet forever. Also feel free to send email rather than posting if you prefer.

If you're reading this in LJ, please follow the link to my journal page before posting.

These thoughts were prompted partly by a pair of maudlin songs: Susan Werner's "Much At All" (lyrics) (actually, I hadn't been thinking of this song, but it came up in random iTunes rotation while I was writing this paragraph) and Lui Collins's "Won't Miss You, Darlin'." Also partly by thinking about choices (such as couches and cars) and how hard they can be to unmake, and by hearing about a friend of a friend trying to make a pretty big life decision and worried they might later regret deciding a certain way. Also partly (and indirectly) by coming across an article from a recent issue of the Swarthmore College alumni magazine: "The Crucible of Character: A Personal Account of Swarthmore's Crisis of 1969," by Clinton Etheridge '69, who was the chairman of the African-American student group that launched a nonviolent direct action that included occupying the admissions office; a big event in Swarthmore's history for a variety of reasons.

Etheridge cites the Phil Ochs song "When I'm Gone" as part of what prompted him to become the organization's leader. Good song, and maybe a good note to end on. Though I prefer the somewhat more energetic version that I once heard a folksinger perform live (John McCutcheon, maybe? though he hasn't recorded it) over the kinda slow Phil Ochs version available in the iTunes Music Store.

16 Responses to “Regrets?”

  1. Niall

    I don’t regret going out with my last girlfriend, despite how much it hurt me (and her) when it all fell to pieces.

  2. Mary Anne Mohanraj

    The only times I regret are the times when my actions hurt someone else (generally due to selfishness and/or thoughtlessness on my part).

    If they just hurt *me*…nope, can’t think of anything. Guess I just prefer to live with my choices, good or bad, hopefully learn from them, and carry on. It helps that I believe that not everything that hurts me is necessarily the result of a wrong choice. That which doesn’t kill me, after all… 🙂

  3. Jess

    Sometimes I regret having gone to grad school rather than getting a job after college.

  4. Michael

    I regret trying to fix the !@#$&*() bathroom sink this morning. There’s not a single piece of this house’s plumbing that was put together correctly or with normal parts except the pieces we’ve replaced. And I regret Home Depot.

  5. fran

    I regret that my father passed away before I got around to having a baby. I know that he would have adored her.

    I regret the stress that my job search is putting my family through. I wish that it were easier or that I could be happy just taking a job someplace doing anything.

  6. David Moles

    I regret, back in ’97 or so, taking out being mad at my then-roommate on his then-girlfriend, being mean to her when he wasn’t around. (I probably would have been mean to her when he was around, too, but then the door was always shut and we never saw either of them…)

  7. Jay Hartman

    I regret working so hard in low-wage jobs (bookstore security, waiter, etc) when I was an undergrad, which I did to keep my student loan balance down.

    Turned out that post-graduation, the $60 per month payment required by my student loans didn’t exactly break my pocketbook..but the “price” I paid to get that low loan balance (I passed up a lot of fun times and trips with friends) was absolutely not worth it.

  8. Vardibidian

    I regret having set my cut-off line so high when it comes to staying in touch with old friends. There are at least a dozen that I could have stayed in touch with by spending, oh, three or four hours a month writing postcards (or even emails). I could cut those three or four hours a month out of my computer game time, or my reading time, or my blogging time, and be happier for it, but somehow I never do.

    Oh, and that third cookie. I regret eating the third cookie.

    Thanks,
    -V.

  9. Jeff Hildebrand

    There’s a wedding I’ll be attending in a week and a half, and there are faint regrets involved. Not regrets over what anyone did or did not do, but regrets over things that just were not meant to be.

  10. Amy Sisson

    I regret having been an insecure, needy, jealous-type girlfriend in my freshman/soph years of college, although I think it had more to do with my age at the time and the “scary” aspects of going away to college. I’m happy that I’m now happy with myself, and that I want both my partner and me to have some solo time and pursuits, which ultimately enriches our time together.

  11. Jacob

    The other day I responded to a Chat list query of yours, Jed, in a way that later felt kind of harsh, which I regret. If it seemed that way to you, too, then I particularly regret it. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it presumably was fine. 🙂

    I strongly regret that I plowed through my undergraduate degree despite unresolved depression that made it very difficult for me to, you know, do any work or learn things. I would have been much better served by taking even more time off, even sooner, and actually figuring out what was going on. I don’t care about my pathetic GPA, but I could have gotten a lot more out of the classes than I did. On the other hand, I’m incredibly proud of having earned that degree anyway; without question the hardest thing I have done.

  12. SarahP

    Every once and a while (though I am happily married and settled and have lovely kids) I have a totally selfish and far-out regret: that I’m not a swinging single living in Manhattan or London or, yes, even L.A.

    Something about coffeehouses/laptops/not having to find babysitters.

  13. Greg van Eekhout

    I regret not taking more math and science in high school, and not taking any more science than was required in college. Possibly I still wouldn’t have pursued a professional career in science, but I removed that choice from my plate prematurely.

  14. Lola

    Idon’t regret leaving my soon-to-be ex-husband, which was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself, and although I’ll never know for sure, I think it was the best thing for him too. I also don’t regret marrying him in the first place, despite how it’s turned out. How could I regret my life? It was hard and awful at times, and wonderful at times, and I know so much more about myself now… I’m a much stronger person and more confident person because of the experience, start to almost-finish.

    I don’t think I regret any of the choices I’ve made for myself, because they’ve all turned out to be interesting in one way or another, and taught me something.

    I think the only thing I regret is that I didn’t stay in closer touch with my friends during my marriage. I’m beginning to repair that, though, and hoping to make new friends too.

  15. Anonymous

    I regret a lot of selfish things I did in my late teens and early twenties that hurt people I loved. I was flailing around, trying to find someone to love and validate me and defining my self-worth by others’ opinions, without having learned that self-confidence and self-worth have to come from within. I didn’t have the communication skills or the emotional maturity to cope with the situation gracefully or even to explain to the people involved what was wrong or what I needed or wanted from them. I’ve grown up now and I think that flailing was an integral part of the process that led to me being a person I can now love and respect. But I still regret the pain I caused others and I still wish I had had the sort of family and childhood that would have either left me secure in my identity and my worth as a person or at least given me the skills to deal with my identity crisis in a less hurtful way.

  16. ab

    I regret finishing with my boyfriend over email – just because I was feeling insecure in myself at the time. I feel devastated and he will no longer talk to me.

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