What’s all this about? Start with Part V, like I did.
3. If you, thought-experiment-wise, had to convert to another biological phylum, what biological phylum would it be?
Well, and echinoderms don’t have brains, but they do have the cool five-fold symmetry business. Cnidaria have radial symmetry, and a wide variety of means of reproduction. Is radial symmetry cooler than five-fold symmetry? Living in water is kind of a downside for me. On the other hand, coral! As for Priapulida, well, once you get past the dick jokes (and I’m not knocking the dick jokes), what have you got?
Really, there are only two phyla to seriously consider: mollusks and arthropods. Mollusks are tasty. Some of them, anyway. Clams, oysters, scallops (mmmm... scallops), snails, slugs, limpets. OK, never mind the last of those. All else being equal, wouldn’t you rather be tasty? I mean, yes, tastiness is in the taste bud of the taster, but come on—scallops! Plus, skeletons (mostly), brains, circulatory and respiratory systems. Mollusks ain’t bad.
On the other hand, eighty percent of animals can’t be wrong, can they? I mean, there you are, in the big registration hall, trying to make a last-minute decision, and you haven’t done much research because you were at the big not-yet-assigned-to-a-phylum dance until far too late last night, aren’t you going to get in the big long line? I mean, there’s that hot ... um ... being with all her/his/its friends, all talking excitedly about chitin exoskeletons, and you start thinking, you know, you could really fancy yourself with six legs, couldn’t you? Sexual reproduction (potentially), you know what I mean? Plus, lobsters, crabs and shrimp. Mmmm, shrimp. Not to mention mandibles, and I’ll add that the word mandible is an odd and lovely one. Say it aloud: mandible. People have jaws, but bugs have mandibles. I mean, yes, on the whole, I’d rather be human, but if I had to convert, it’s arthropod for me.
chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek,
-Vardibidian.
I dunno, all other things being equal, wouldn’t I rather not be tasty? Better life expectancy that way.
There’s something, though, about being a good meal, which has a certain death-with-honor vibe about it.
I’ve probably said this before, but my father once commented that the highest thing that an animal could aspire to was to be eaten by a human.
I disagree, and I’m pretty sure that for much of his life he disagreed too. But the comment stuck with me.
It’s a great line, although I can’t talk about animal aspirations with any seriousness at all. Are scallops happy about being tasty? Are they cranky about being treyf? Are they aggrieved about the shortened life-span? What do scallops have to live for, anyway?
And then … what does tasty mean, exactly? Your Humble Blogger thinks scallops are tastier than houseflies, but there are certainly animals who would disagree. Once you get out of the human point of view, it’s very easy to get lost. There are more animals that eat arthropods than mollusks, which makes sense, since there are more athropods than mollusks. Do arthropod-eaters find arthropods tasty in the same way I find scallops tasty (that is, not do they find them tasty sauteed with a little lemon juice, but is the experience of tastiness applicable)?
I’ll say this, though—I, personally, would prefer not to be killed, and if I were to be killed, I would prefer not to be eaten, and if I were to be killed and eaten, I would prefer not to be killed and eaten by humans. But if I were killed and eaten by humans, on the whole, given the choice, I would rather be yummy than yucky.
But, you know, people are different, one to another, and probably taste different, too.
Thanks,
-V.