Names for the nameless

Filed under: Heffalumps
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Nameless beastie in profile
Nameless beastie in profile

Here are the candidates so far for naming my latest stuffed animal. If you have other suggestions, please drop me a note sometime in the next day or two.

  • Boxy (because it arrived in a box)
  • Cerebus
  • Cubert (because it arrived in a cube-shaped box)
  • Eleanor
  • Engelbert Humperdink
  • Gertrude
  • Gustav/Gus
  • Helmut
  • Herbert
  • Hoffa
  • Hopeful
  • Horrible
  • Hortense
  • Hugh
  • Jasper
  • Mister Lumps
  • Mortimer
  • Nosey
  • Pamplimoose
  • Portnoy
  • Scruffy
  • Sebastian
  • Stan
  • Stomper.
Nameless beastie with emphasis on ear
Nameless beastie with emphasis on ear

Some of these definitely presuppose certain species; for example, most of the H names assume it's a heffalump, while "Cerebus" assumes it's an aardvark.

It's hard to see the ear shape in most of these photos. It's not a very elephant-like ear shape. I did find some aardvark facts online (and more aardvark facts, and even more aardvark facts); also an aardvark photo (and another aardvark photo). All of the evidence suggests that there's some aardvark ancestry here.

Biologists to the rescue. Jean, who has a biology degree, says:

It's a rare short-haired pentapod. Or in Latin: Cilia pentapodios.

Everyone knows pentapods are omnisexual.

Another angle on nameless beastie
Another angle on nameless beastie

And indeed, the profile photos do suggest that this creature is some sort of a pentapod, and the short hair would indeed point to it being a short-haired pentapod. And omnisexual sounds like a good idea.

And yet, I can't help but think that that's a trunk or nose, perhaps even a schnoz, rather than a foot.

Other biologist to the rescue. Cat, who has a biochem degree, says (in her brief monograph "The natural history of the heffalump"):

Heffalumps are part aardvark. And part elephant. Which explains why this heffalump reminds you of both. It's obviously a heffalump.

Sad-looking nameless beastie
Sad-looking nameless beastie

As this evidence provides confirmation for my existing prejudices, I'm inclined to count it heavily. (That's the way science works, yes?)

So I'm not quite ready to definitively declare this a heffalump, but I'm leaning pretty heavily in that direction. Perhaps heffalumps are distantly related to pentapods? Further research is clearly indicated.

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