Signs of work

This is a drug-free workplace. If you use drugs, DO NOT ENTERAt right, a sign posted outside a blocky building near the hotel where M and I stayed in SLC last weekend. If I took drugs, I know that sign would keep me out. If I'd been hired there, I'd go up to the door of the building and yell, "Hey, where's my boss?" and when my boss showed up, I'd explain: "Sorry, I came here to report for work, but I use drugs, so the sign says I have to stay outside."

I'm tempted to make a big copy of this sign and put it up next to the coffee machine at work. Or maybe the medicine cabinet that has aspirin and such in it.

In other news, this just in, from a spam message I received today:

we are specialised on live ornamental fishes with more tham 10 years of experience !!

Which is good, 'cause fishes with less tham 10 years of experience tend not to be very good workers. They probably use drugs, too.

And this from another spam:

Sick of your STUPID friends on BIG money because they went to college? Are you INTELLIGENT, not earning enough or can't land a JOB interview? Does the prospect of studying hard and wasting years of your life and THOUSANDS of dollars so you MIGHT get a decent career sound dumb? Would you rather be earning the BIG money NOW?

I don't think I have any STUPID friends, really; what I'm sick of is the STUPID drug-using fishes with less tham 10 years of experience, who are on BIG money because they went to college. They wasted years of their life and THOUSANDS of dollars and now they can't even enter the office 'cause they use drugs! Stupid fishes.

(Except that reminds me of George Hitchcock again. "They're not illiterate, those fish. . . . They know a thing or two." But by now you probably think I am on drugs, so I'll stop.)

4 Responses to “Signs of work”

  1. Christopher Rowe

    Hey Jed. I went and got new glasses last night at one of those “Three Pairs of Glasses for Just Eleven Dollars!” type places (they know they can advertise that way because none of their clients can actually read the fine print, in these cases its usually something like “Frames and Lenses not Included”). Anyway, the medical history form I filled out in advance of the exam asked: (1) Do you use alchol? (2) Do you use drugs? (3) Do you use other substances?

    I went ahead and checked the other substances because of my frequent use of oxygen, paper and glassware (to name just a few). It must not have affected my vision though, because the doc didn’t say anything about it.

  2. Jay Lake

    I know this is Jed’s journal, but I just have to say that Mr. Rowe is a fucking genius.

  3. Melissa Binde

    Thank you, Jed, Anna Hess and I are here laughing ourselves silly :).

  4. Jed

    I’m inclined to agree about Mr. Rowe.

    Anna! I haven’t seen you in ages. Welcome to Seattle! (Is one allowed to welcome someone to someplace one isn’t? Okay: “Welcome to the west coast!”)


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