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I was apparently in a cynical mood this morning, because when I woke up about half of the below was floating around in my head. The funny thing is, I was actually pretty happy in middle school (also in elementary school and high school), but I know a lot of people were miserable.

(For those who aren't familiar with it, middle school is like a reduced version of junior high school. For us it was 7th and 8th grade, with high school being 9th through 12th.)

In retrospect, it turns out this is such an obvious parody that there's already a book with a similar title. Ah, well.

All I really need to know I learned in middle school:

1. There are popular people and unpopular people. Hint: You're not one of the popular people.
2. Being liked by those in authority increases the chances of being successful.
3. American society consists of hierarchies of dominance.
4. You will be labeled and categorized (usually derogatorily) whether you want to be or not.
5. Expressing romantic interest in someone leaves you vulnerable to painful rejection.
6. Grooming and looks will get you far.
7. Failure to meet deadlines has a negative effect on performance reviews.
8. Insecurity and fear are potent motivators.
9. The strong can and do attack the weak.
10. Physically fit but mean people get more dates than socially maladjusted but nice people.