Two years

March 7, 2005, was the day my father was murdered, though we didn't find out until the 8th.

I thought I was doing pretty much okay the past few days, though still stressed at busyness levels for both work and magazine, and still sleeping badly. (It's something different nearly every night. The past couple mornings, it's been machine noise from across the back fence again, though thankfully at 6:30 and 8 a.m. instead of at 5:30 a.m.)

But last night Kam and I watched the Heroes episode from last week, "Company Man." Heroes is a show that I enjoy, but that I don't normally take very seriously; but last week's episode had some especially intense family stuff, especially about one character's relationship with her father, and it hit very hard and very suddenly, right at the end of the episode. In the space of a couple of seconds, I went from just being a little misty-eyed to sobbing.

After crying on Kam's shoulder for a while (thank you again, Kam), I was okay for the rest of the evening, including another episode of Heroes (this week's, "Parasite") that also had some fairly intense stuff in it but that didn't have much effect on me. And I was mostly okay today at work. But all that did make me reconsider the notion that I was doing fine.

So I'm gonna work at home tomorrow. If I didn't have multiple big deadlines impending, I would just take the day off, but there's stuff I gotta get done. But I'm going to try to avoid realtime interaction with people as much as possible. I'll check email now and then, but I think I need some solitude.

Of course, it may turn out that I'm fine tomorrow, and I might go out and interact with the world after all. The weather's been very nice here lately--though it looks like rain tomorrow. We'll see.

Anyway. If you do interact with me in the next couple days, be gentle with me, 'kay?

Jay (and Dobe and other family, if you read this), hope you're doing okay. (And Jay, I've been meaning to call you; I'll try and do that in a few days. Thanks for your note the other week, sorry not to respond yet.)

12 Responses to “Two years”

  1. Anonymous


  2. sallytuppence

    Thinking of you today, Jed. Take care.

  3. Cat Sitting Still

    (hug) I’m thinking of you today.

  4. Greg van Eekhout

    I’ll also be thinking about you, Jed.

  5. Debbie N.

    Thinking of you. Anniversaries are hard. Be gentle with yourself, too, ‘kay?

  6. jenderqueer

    Thinking about you, and wishing you well in your solitude. *hugs*

  7. Aliette de Bodard

    *sending good thoughts to you*
    Hope you feel better.

  8. Debby B.

    I went back and read Jay’s comments in court and spent some time today thinking about all the good stories you’ve told me about Peter.

  9. Matthew

    I had never heard your story before. Thank you for including it again for those of us who did not know. May his memory be a blessing to you, and may you find consolation.

  10. Benjamin Rosenbaum


    I just read this. I send belated hug.

    I also point out that crying about sad things *is* being fine.


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