There's a grief-support center in Palo Alto called Kara; every year, they have a memorial gathering, "invit[ing] the community to join together to remember loved ones who have died." Someone who works there wrote:
The event features music, invited speakers, and a very moving candlelight closing that involves the entire audience of several hundred people. Although there's an element of faith in some speakers' material, it's not a church-y event and all are welcome: pass it along if you have friends who might appreciate this event.
Here's the event listing from the Kara website:
Come Light a Candle In Memory of a Loved One
At an Interfaith Gathering of Remembrance
Thursday, December 6, 2007, 7:00PM
Unity Palo Alto Community Church, 3391 Middlefield Road, Palo Alto
I'm told there will be "fellowship and refreshments" after the service.
For more info, call Kara at 650-321-5272.
I haven't gone to this event in the past--didn't think I could cope with it. But I'm vaguely thinking I might go this year. We'll see.
Btw, Kara has an excellent list of recommendations on "how to help someone who is suffering from loss"; if you know anyone who's dealing with grief or loss, I strongly recommend reading that page.