Walking into bars

I really enjoyed this set of “…walks into a bar” jokes about various aspects of language.

Some examples:

  • A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
  • A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
  • Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
  • A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

I’m not sure what the original source of these is; anyone know?

See also a couple of secret yets, in addenda to column y.

See also another list of walking-into-a-bar jokes, which appears to have been updated extensively since last time I linked to it, in 2009. I’m especially impressed by this one from that list:

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, “Excuse me; I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You're the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.” E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

2 Responses to “Walking into bars”

  1. Alexander Jacques Sabucido

    Important points in this article that we should know in walking into bars. This would be a huge help. Thanks for sharing this one out.

    reply
    • Jed

      This comment is obviously spam, but I was so amused by it that I left it in place (after removing the spam URL).

      reply

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