Recently in the Jokes Category

Some puns

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Uncle Dobe passed along a list of puns, many of which (to my surprise) I hadn't seen before, and some of which made me laugh out loud. Here's an abridged version of the list:

  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  • I'm reading a book about antigravity. I can't put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • The letter from the blood bank told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
  • Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory—I hope there's no pop quiz.
  • The Energizer bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
  • The old man didn't like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.
  • What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Heh—some of these would make good secret yets.

Walking into a bar

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Someone recently pointed me to A Guy Goes into a Bar, a list of guy-walks-into-bar jokes. I figured they would probably be mostly dumb, but it turns out there are several clever puns, including a couple that I had to read a couple of times before I got (but that then made me laugh).

Some of my favorites from that page, considering only the ones I hadn't heard before:

  • A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here!"
  • A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you want to play a game? See those two rib-eyes nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit one, you get to take them home and I'll give you a free drink." The man says, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
  • A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "What do you call that?", asks the bartender. "I call him Tiny, because he's my newt!"
  • Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
  • A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

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