Kam came over this morning, and then came with me to Tacoma. My brother's travel agent took care of the tickets. We had a family gathering this afternoon, everyone together at the place where Grandma's living. (This was not the best possible time to introduce Kam to my family, but she handled it well, and they were pleased to meet her. I introduced her as "my sweetie" rather than, say, "one of my sweeties," because this did not seem like the right time to go into details of my romantic life. My family's been confused about my romantic life for years; why stop now? Come to think of it, this may be the first time that anyone in my family (other than my brother) has met anyone I've gone out with.)

Tomorrow, Jay and I will talk to the medical examiner, a funeral home, etc; we're hoping to arrange for some kind of memorial thing on Saturday. Our flights home are currently scheduled for Sunday, but that could change. (Um, for the time being all occurrences of "Jay" will refer to my brother.)

At some point if we can deal with it we may go by Peter's house. There was a lot of smoke damage to papers, books, photos, etc; I'm told it's very hard to clean up smoke damage. We'll see.

Everyone's still kind of in shock, I think. I certainly am.

Thank you for all the comments, in email and here in the journal. And the phone calls. I probably won't be responding to email and comments and may not respond to phone calls, but they're all appreciated. One thing I'm slowly learning (from both sides, lately) is that condolences do help, at least a little, even though when I'm the one giving them I often feel like I'm being trite. So, thank you all.

I'm posting this from a Kinko's near the motel we're staying in. Internet is a hard addiction to kick. But I probably won't be online more than once or twice a day, if that, and I almost certainly won't be responding to email or posted comments. Susan and Karen have stepped in to handle various magazine-related things I was in the middle of; thank you, S&K. If anyone's waiting on me for magazine-related things, write to fiction@ and S&K will handle it.

I'm really uncertain about whether to post a link to a news story or not. I've finally decided to post it, basically because I know I'm going to have to answer the question "What happened?" a lot over the coming weeks, and I'd rather people know without my having to tell them. Unfortunately, the only article I've found so far leaves out a lot of pertinent info, but it'll do for a start. If I find a more complete one in coming days, I may post another link. Or I may not.

I know the article leaves many questions unanswered, and I know it'll probably make y'all curious. I'd like to ask that you not ask me questions about it, at least not in electronic form, at least not for the time being. I'll probably give more information at some point, but I can't deal with it right now.

I'm having a very hard time expressing myself right now. I feel like there's all sorts of things I should be saying here that I'm not, but this'll have to do.

Okay, it's time for me to go to bed. Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

Thank you, all of you.

31 Responses to “Update”

  1. Mya

    I’m so very sorry, Jed. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. If you want someone else to relay information to people in the area, or if there’s any other way I can help, just let me know.

  2. Diana

    I can’t say how sorry I am. Or how much I wish I could help. All I can offer is a hug, and even that at a distance. But you’ve got as many hugs as you’d like the next time I see you.

  3. Sharon

    I don’t know what to say, except that I’m so very sorry.

  4. Zak

    I’m so sorry. And yeah, I know it always feels trite to say, and I also know it matters to hear it. It’s awful and huge and it leaves bystanders feeling like there just aren’t any words that really suffice.

    Part of me wants to try and dispense some meaningful thing, but the other part knows that all that really matters right now is that other people recognize the shock and pain.

  5. Nao

    This is one of thse times when I really regret how scattered my friends are. I really just want to offer you a real hug.

  6. Michael

    I know this isn’t near the top of your list, but there are companies that specialize in cleaning up smoke damage. ServPro is one.

    Keep taking care of yourself, Jed.

  7. Tempest

    oh ack 🙁 I know how hard it is to lose a parent, and especially suddenly. But to have something like *that* piled on top…. *more astral hugs*

  8. Jeff Hildebrand

    Oof. I’m so sorry Jed.

  9. Jennifer Pelland

    Oh god, how horrible.

    I’m so, so sorry. I can’t imagine how you’re managing to hold up. And if you’re not holding up, well, dammit, you’re allowed.

  10. Jess

    Jed–I remember a couple of long discussions about your family, and some of the interesting history. I always thought it would fun to meet your dad. This is a simply rotten thing to happen! and you’ve every right to be non-functional in shock. Do take care of yourself, and be patient with yourself over this. ::more hugs::

  11. Leah Bobet

    Oh, dammit, Jed, I’m so sorry. And I’m glad you have Kam there for support.

  12. metasilk

    What Nao said goes for me too. This must be unimaginably difficult, and my heart is out there with you.

  13. Kat

    Just got the e-mail from Mya. Oh Jed. I’m so sorry to hear this. And I’m thinking of you. Glad Kam is there for you. I too offer an unlimited hug supply. Don’t worry about your entries: they are honest and helpful. Take good care.

  14. Dawn B.

    I’m really sorry to hear about this. This is the second time in two years an online friend has lost a father in a semi-violent manner. I forget that the world is a harsh place sometimes and hate that it touches my friends.

    I hope you can find some peace and I wish you all the love in the world and I’m glad you have some one with you who cares for you.

  15. Heather Shaw

    Jed, that’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m very glad, though, that Kam is there with you. Many virtual hugs and I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

  16. Beth

    ::more hugs::

  17. Ted

    This is truly terrible news. Take care, and know that our thoughts are with you.

  18. naomi_traveller

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I don’t have words for it.

    If you are flying into SFO or OAK and need a lift, or there’s anything at all that I can do, please call my cell at any time. If cookies would help, I will bake you about a thousand and fifty.


  19. Benjamin Rosenbaum

    How awful. I’m very sorry, Jed.

  20. Jodi York

    I’m a friend of Mya, Kat and Kam. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had a friend murdered by her ex a couple years ago; while that’s not a family member, I think I know something of the complexity that murder adds to your grief. You are well-loved by your community, and they want to help you. It sounds like you’re already doing a good job of telling people what you can and can’t handle. Be patient and gentle with yourself and allow your friends to take care of you, even if that means simply putting a plate of food in front of you.

    I hope that peace and healing come quickly for you and your family.

  21. sarah

    ::more warm patpats::

    Let me know if you need anything, Jed.

  22. Lorelei

    You may not remember Paul and I. But, I just wanted to give you a big ZEN hug from us.Please, know you will be in our prayers. Say Hi and and hugs from us to KAM please?

  23. Shannon Clark


    My condolences – words don’t do it justice but you have my deepest sympathy – if there is anything, small or large don’t hesitate to ask. And as others have said, you have many friends.


  24. Shmuel

    Meep. I’m very sorry.

  25. Dan

    I remember being horribly frustrated with the newspaper articles after Ron’s death: they left so much out, and what they did write seemed full of sordid innuendo. Anyone who knows you or your family will understand that there’s more to the story than what makes the paper and that they don’t necessarily need to know anything more than what’s important for you to tell.

    I’m so very sorry for your loss, Jed. At the very least, I hope that all of the bureaucratic details go as smoothly as possible.

  26. Mahesh Raj Mohan

    I’m very sorry. My condolences.

  27. Kristin Conradi

    Jed, I just heard; I’m so, so sorry. Please let me know if there’s any way I can help. Thinking of you.

  28. Merrie Haskell

    I’m so sorry, Jed.

  29. Jeremy

    Amy and I just heard today from Pam. We are both very sorry. If you need anything from us you have but to ask.

  30. Bhadrika

    I’ve been trying since I heard to think of what to say, but there is no ‘right thing’. I offer hugs, but am too far away to really give them. Thoughts of hugs are nice in theory, but leave me feelings achey and helpless. I wish I could send you something to make you feel even slightly better, but have no clue what could begin to do that. If you want to talk, you can call me at all unusual hours, despite the time change — I’m working overnights and have my cell with (and if I couldn’t pick up right then, I’d call back at the soonest possible). PS. Melatonin (1tab), with or without Benadryl (25-50mg), can be helpful for sleep as well.

  31. Vera Nazarian

    This is amazingly tragic. No words are sufficient, and all I can do is say I am sorry.


Join the Conversation