It occurred to me Sunday morning, after being awakened by a windstorm that was related to the flooding that's happening up north of here, that there ought to be an album of Northern California-specific winter-holiday music.
Some of the tracks might include:
- Let It Rain, Let It Rain, Let It Rain (I suppose in Southern California it's "Snort the Snow, Snort the Snow, Snort the Snow")
- I'm Dreaming of a Green Solstice
- Baby, It's Mildly Chilly Outside (I know, I know, it doesn't scan)
- Grandma Just Came Over With Some Raingear (or maybe "Grandma Got Run Over in the Rain, Dear," but that sounds a little grimmer than would be ideal for a holiday album)
But Northern California isn't all about weather. Here are some other possible tracks:
- I Saw Mommy Surfing Santa Cruz
- Build the Deck with Planks of Redwood (or maybe that should be "Deck the Halls with Eucalyptus"?)
- O Tannin Wine
- The Little Hacker Boy
- The Holly and the Wood (I guess that's another SoCal song)
- All I Want for Christmas Is My I.P.O.
- Angels We Have Heard Are High ("...tell us where we too can buy.")
- Away with the Ravers
- Carol with the Bells (Carol being a drag queen, of course--along with her friends Suzy (Snowflake), Joy (to the World), and Mary (Little Christmas))
- O Little Vale of Silicon
- We Three Kings of Industry Are
- Women's Underwear (to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
I was trying to come up with alternate lyrics for "Up on the Housetop" involving escaping from a flood (there are all sorts of California-appropriate rhymes for "flood," like "bud" and "mud"), but I'm not really awake yet, and I suppose it would be in poor taste anyway.
I'm obliquely reminded that my father told me a joke long ago to which the punch line was "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
And that I was very tickled a few weeks ago when I came up with the phrase "Carol, the ancient Yuletide troll," until I discovered that someone else had beat me to it. But I think my favorite Christmas pun is still the kids'-book title Olive, the Other Reindeer.