Concessions

Filed under: Humor, Politics
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I saw a list on CNN of “some of the major concessions and promises McCarthy has made over the course of the negotiations, according to CNN reporting.”

So below is a different list: some of the major concessions and promises McCarthy has made over the course of the negotiations, according to JED reporting.

  • Any member can call for a motion to officially designate the Speaker as a “foofoohead” or a “liar liar pants on fire.”
  • Bathroom breaks must be long enough to check email.
  • McCarthy’s leadership PAC won’t play Yahtzee or banjo except when requested in writing.
  • No member may bring popcorn and blankets and alcohol and blankets to the House floor. Pillows are allowed, but only with explicit permission from the Speaker.
  • All members are allowed to embellish their resumes with the approval of George Santos.
  • A hand-painted “No Democrats Allowed” sign will be nailed up over the entrance.
  • Cap discretionary spending at fiscal 1950 levels.
  • A new oath will be added to the swearing-in ceremony, requiring Representatives to swear that the January 6th insurrectionists were just ordinary Americans having good clean fun.
  • No governing or lawmaking will be allowed while Congress is in session.
  • Create a committee to weaponize the word “weaponization.”
  • Cap the debt ceiling at fiscal 1950 levels.
  • Restore the Fussbudget rule, which can be used to throw a temper tantrum at any time.
  • Any vote that doesn’t go the way the Freedom Caucus wants must be redone.
  • Hold votes on key conservative bills. Those bills must be guaranteed to pass.
  • Cap the number of POC and white women in the House at fiscal 1950 levels.
  • All committees to be staffed exclusively by Freedom Caucus members.
  • Give members the ability to offer more amendments after a bill is signed into law.
  • The entire House must participate in thorough investigations of every living or dead human and animal with the surnames Biden or Clinton.
  • McCarthy must set up a “concessions stand” where he will give further concessions to any Freedom Caucus member who asks for them.
  • Cap liberal ideas at fiscal 1950 levels.

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